Creative Hacking?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

The leader of my Peace Party outlined a radical platform:
- turn the other cheek
- put away the weapons, for those who live by weapons will die by weapons
- our true citizenship has little to do with that offered by nation-states
- love enemies and do good to them, thus making them friends

Will it work? We won’t know unless we try it.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

You lead me to believe:
- You created the awesome universe.
- You made us in your image.
- You created us for freedom and dignity.
- You give life as a marvelous opportunity.
- You care what happens to us.
- You have faith in our ability to take good advantage of this gift.
- You sent Jesus as a revelation to us of who you are and to show us what it is like to live with you in mind.
- You forgive us when we do not follow through on our knowledge and ability.
- You provide hope and love as powerful influences for good in our lives.
- You made us more than physical beings and that life is not entirely bound to time.
- You made us so that our life is entirely bound to you.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“What do you think, Peter, is Mom qualified to lead in my church?”

[We have it on lots of authority that He never said this. Still, one wonders…]

D. Blog: The Meaning of “Hack”

[Thanks to Eric Raymond’s “Jargon File”]

“The word hack doesn't really have 69 different meanings”, according to MIT hacker Phil Agre. “In fact, hack has only one meaning, an extremely subtle and profound one which defies articulation. Which connotation is implied by a given use of the word depends in similarly profound ways on the context.”

Hacking might be characterized as ‘an appropriate application of ingenuity’. Whether the result is a quick-and-dirty patchwork job or a carefully crafted work of art, you have to admire the cleverness that went into it.

An important secondary meaning of hack is ‘a creative practical joke’. This kind of hack is easier to explain than the programming kind. Of course, some hacks have both natures. But here is one example of a pure practical joke that illustrates the true hacking spirit:

In 1961, students from Caltech (California Institute of Technology, in Pasadena) hacked the Rose Bowl football game. One student posed as a reporter and ‘interviewed’ the director of the University of Washington card stunts (such stunts involve people in the stands who hold up colored cards to make pictures). The reporter learned exactly how the stunts were operated, and also that the director would be going out to dinner later.

While the director was eating, the students (who called themselves the ‘Fiendish Fourteen’) picked a lock and stole a blank direction sheet for the card stunts. They then had a printer run off 2300 copies of the blank. The next day they picked the lock again and stole the master plans for the stunts — large sheets of graph paper colored in with the stunt pictures. Using these as a guide, they made new instructions for three of the stunts on the duplicated blanks. Finally, they broke in once more, replacing the stolen master plans and substituting the stack of diddled instruction sheets for the original set.

The result was that three of the pictures were totally different from those planned. Instead of ‘WASHINGTON’, the word ‘CALTECH’ was flashed. Another stunt showed the word ‘HUSKIES’, the Washington nickname, but spelled it backwards. And what was supposed to have been a picture of a husky instead showed a beaver. (Both Caltech and MIT use the beaver — nature's engineer — as a mascot.)

After the game, the Washington faculty athletic representative said: “Some thought it ingenious; others were indignant.” The Washington student body president remarked: “No hard feelings, but at the time it was unbelievable. We were amazed.” This is now considered a classic hack, particularly because revising the direction sheets constituted a form of programming.

More Socialism, Please

A. Unabashed Pacifist

Peacocks for Peace:
We preen for peace. We parade for peace. We pose for peace. We publicize for peace. We practice peace. We take pride in peace. Pay attention to us!

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Great is your faithfulness, beyond all expectation and beyond all human reason. When we look around, we might ask whether it’s worth it to you. We humans are big on cruelty, hatred, greed, war, deceit, sex valued over love, and unfaithfulness. Your optimism relative to humans boggles our comprehension. It also sometimes inspires us to follow your faithful example. Make us more like you.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“This small tablet will take relieve you of your problems, woman. I call it Pro-Zachariah.”

[He was no pill-pusher, so He never said this.]

D. Blog: Political Comment

Have you noticed that one of the presidential campaigns seems to have produced a vast amount of material for comedians, satirists and cartoonists? I don’t think that bodes well for a candidate...

Did you see, for instance, the cartoon showing a news anchor making this announcement: “John McCain has come out – against Halloween as socialistic redistribution.”

Right up there with Social Security, Medicare, Medicare, government-supported insurance for children, student grants, bank bailouts, farm subsidies, public schools and progressive taxation as used by most nations on Earth. “Pure capitalism” does not exist, especially not in the “real” world.

Literalizing Metaphors

A. Unabashed Pacifist

Plodders for Peace (PFP):
Peace does not happen quickly. Not at missile speed, but at a walker’s pace. You cannot hurry peace. Each step must be noted and celebrated. Walking is good for physical and spiritual health. Plod for peace!

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Thank you so much for providing us with so much to learn. Thank you for the capacity to learn – from the world, from the sea and sky, from experience, from one another, from science, from the curiosity that makes us ask questions. Help us to remain learners in the classroom of living. As a teacher, you keep it all so interesting.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“I was the greatest – until Ali.”

[He never said this. And He never stayed down for the count.]

D. Blog: Literalizing Metaphors

I adore the verbal images and metaphors that move and inspire us. They provide us with playful, imaginative ways of understanding ourselves and God. So we sometimes speak of God as Father, or Mother. So we imagine human life beginning in a garden paradise. So we see how to be neighborly in a story of compassion toward an enemy. So we understand divine love and forgiveness in the story of a wayward child whose parents greet him with great affection upon his return home.

It saddens me, and causes terrible harm all around, when we make our images and metaphors literal. We rob them of their playful, imaginative character and turn them into hardened and forbidding idols. Instead of encouraging us to be free and easy as God’s children in the presence of our divine parent, these idols create in us some fear, deceit, and an unnatural striving to be perfect. We make idols of ourselves and our religion.

If Joseph had been a Plumber?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

The primary mission is to achieve peace.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

When I am afraid, you give me the will to do the right thing.
When I don’t know what to do, you show me a way.
When I am anxious, you calm my nerves.
When I feel lost, you light a path for me.
When I think I am alone, you remind me of your presence.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Do you have any idea, Matthew, how hard it is to save on a carpenter’s salary?”

[If Joseph had been a plumber, we would have had a different story… He never said this.]

D. Blog: A Haiku

Some things are better left unsaid,
But God knows them even then.
That’s fine.

Imagine: No Physical Resurrection

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Do moments of violence live on in eternity?

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

I can meet you in any moment, in any place or circumstance. Awesome!!
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Okay, here’s the statement we’ve all signed and will present at Pilate’s palace at the end of the march on Sunday: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal…’”

[But some are created more equal than others, right? Even if we think He could have said this, He didn’t. And what about Him? Created? Equal?...]

D. Blog: Imagining

Imagine that archaeologists find Jesus’ bodily remains and can prove it (I don’t know how – DNA that floats??). We’re imagining here.

What are the implications of such a discovery/proof? First, of course, many people will not accept the scientific “proof.” Belief in the physical resurrection suffers, nonetheless. People have to examine what they believe. About the early Christian accounts in the Bible. About the meaning of salvation if not connected to bodily resurrection. About the importance of Jesus’ earthly life, if not focused on getting us saved and into heaven. About His “Lordship” if not about some future condition. About His ongoing life, if not in some other place than here and among His followers. About the nature of resurrection and eternal life.

I don’t think it will happen, but if it did I think it might have an overall positive effect.

Why Eve Was Necessary

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Peace floats
- on angels’ wings
- on the wind of the spirit
- above the storm
- within my soul
- on butterfly’s wings
- in the sea of justice
- in a starry night

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Some people use the expression “I could just die” to indicate embarrassment or despair. I imagine the first disciples could have shared the feelings – embarrassment for having believed great things about Jesus and fulfillment of prophecy, despair for the dim outlook under Roman occupation.

But Jesus was the one who had truly “just died.” And then, He “just lived.” The disciples knew that, so they “just” lived. Never mind Rome. Never mind the temple. Never mind Jesus’ death. He just lived. They did the same, just lived despite the violence of Rome, despite the hostility of religious authorities, despite the fear of death. They could just live, as now I can.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“You know, Judas, I bet a guy could make a killing if he could come up with the money to buy some property here in Jerusalem while the housing market’s hot.”

[It might be topical, but He never said it.]

D. Blog: Why God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
1. Having finished making Adam, God stepped back, looked the guy over and said, "I can do better than that."

Clowns on Parade?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Why is peace such a hard sell? It won’t hurt us.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

I saw Him in a smiling nurse.
I felt Him in a sympathetic touch.
I heard him in a peace song.
I touched Him in a work of fabric art.
I have difficulty understanding that for so many people He still hangs on a cross.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Okay, time for the parade. Send in the other clowns. I’ll be riding the donkey right behind them.”

[In my imagination, but He never said this.]

D. Blog: New For Your Bumper

- The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow
- Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make it wag its tail
- If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all
- Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs

I'll Have a Camel Sandwich, Please.

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Each heartbeat is a rhythmic chant: Peace now, Peace now, Peace now, Peace now, etc. And then we die.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Grant us security in hour hope, supported by the assurance that you want what is good for us. We face all uncertainty with one certainty: you are with us and for us.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“… and right above the altar, a stained-glass image of me praying.”

[What’s glass? And why stain it?... Sorry, He never said that.]

D. Blog: Words of Interest

The word alcatraz comes from the Spanish and Portugese word for "pelican", which derives from the Arabic al-qadus, referring to the bucket of a water-raising irrigation wheel. The bird was so named because it was thought to scoop water into its beak pouch to transport to its young in the desert. This word was later mistakenly applied to the Frigate-bird in the form albatross, not to be confused with albacore, another offspring of Arabic. The Portugese albacor comes from al-bukr, meaning, oddly enough, a young camel. Might want to check the ingredients in your tuna sandwich!

[Thanks to Linda Smolik at www.takeourword.com]

Change In Color

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Peace is inescapable. I surrendered long ago.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Sometimes, despite all of life’s difficulties, I have the overwhelming sense of being blessed. Your goodness astounds me, surrounds me, abounds in my life. Clouds appear, but they just give a temporary and interesting cast to the dominant light you shine on me. Your bounty fills me with gratitude.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Bingo! I win again! Just psychic, I guess.”

[No, He was not Catholic.]

D. Blog: Black & White Photographs

I do some amateur photography. Over time, I’ve developed some quite definite opinions and tastes when it comes to taking and displaying photos, what works and what doesn’t. I want to take on what appears to be one sacred cow for most photographers: black and white photographs.

Why remove the natural color from any picture? Our eyes are naturally attracted to the colorful, so what’s the point of taking out what will attract a viewer’s eyes? Making a shot look other than natural should only be done if it enhances the photo’s impact. Most black and white photos don’t do that. Just because it’s considered more “stylish” does not make it a better presentation of the photo. Stark black and white can get our attention, but only briefly, and then only with clear highlights to make us want to look closely.

Similarly, I think black frames with white mattes should be used very selectively. They require vivid color to complement the starkness. So I tire of photographers' work when they use black and white routinely to display their pictures.

In the old days of photography, “colorless” photos were the only option. Now that we can do color photography, holding on to black and white as a standard of photographic excellence reminds me of wanting to keep Pleasantville the way it’s always been. Change is all around us, and it's in color.

Health Care: Common Defense

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Like an egg, peace is fragile. Like an egg, life depends on it.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

“Your people” often seem to forget what that means. We think the designation means we are more deserving than others, more entitled to the world’s resources, not obliged to care for those who don’t belong to “your people.” As soon as we relegate “not your people” to lesser status, we lose our own status as your people. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver s from evil – for your sake, and ours.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Gimme one reason to stay here, and I’ll turn right back around.”

[Hmmm. Several times when He didn’t say this, but I’m partial to the scene with Mary outside the tomb.]

D. Blog: US Health Care “System”

The movie “Sicko” gave Michael Moore’s dramatic perspective of our healthcare crisis. My perspective is more limited, but equally "real" (for any Sarah Palin fans out there).

I had not had much reason to think about the situation until I moved three years ago. Until then, I had been fortunate; I had always had health insurance. Without a job when I moved, I assumed COBRA coverage would be available until I found a job in my new location. Available, yes, but the cost would have put unwanted strain on the family finances.

That reality brought home an interesting awareness: many of us are in a way held hostage by our jobs – in exchange for health care. Or, another perspective, we live a kind of indentured servitude to our employers who provide for our healthcare so long as we are in their service.

My next personal connection to the crisis came when I sought individual health insurance. I have a pre-existing condition that I innocently revealed in my application for insurance. The condition had been well-controlled by medication for many years, so I naively assumed that meant it would not be a serious concern to the insurance company. Innocence is bliss, indeed. The monthly cost for my personal coverage would have amounted to more than the mortgage we had left behind when we moved from our house on Capitol Hill in DC, and more than I expected to earn in our new location. Fortunately, my wife Alice was hired by a company that offered affordable health insurance that covers both of us. So my personal health care status has some stability.

Then I got a part-time job with a company that conducts research for the government regarding medical expenditures and insurance in this country. In my job, I do a series of in-person interviews with families about their health conditions, visits to medical providers, costs of their care, and who pays for that care. Overall, the team of interviewers meets each year with thousands of families throughout the country. (If you’re interested in learning more about the survey and its data, www.meps.ahrq.gov is the place to go.)

My little slice of that work has taught me many things. Among them are these:

- Only the financially privileged take health care for granted.
- People with good health insurance tend to see medical providers more often and have no idea what those visits actually cost. They pay little out of pocket.
- People without medical insurance, including those with substantial means, tend to get charged more.
- Providers in private practice tend to have more flexibility and sensitivity regarding costs.
- The state CHIP/S-CHIP coverage is great for children to age 14, but then what?
- Here’s what: of those between the ages 18 and 25, our 30-year-old research now says that 38% of them have no health insurance. They risk their financial futures every day.
- In the families I have interviewed, that percentage is only slightly less for all those not covered by CHIP or Medicare. In other words, people between 15 and 65 have about a one in three chance of having no private or employee provided health insurance. For them the US health care system is, truly, the “joke”: Don’t Get Sick or Injured.
- I should be generous when I leave tips in a restaurant. One of my interviewees is married to the owner of a restaurant. He would like to offer health insurance to his employees, but can’t afford to do that. She says it’s “the dirty little secret of the restaurant business.” “Hardly anybody you see working in any restaurant has health insurance provided by that employer.”
- For at least 30,000 of the people who die each year, the cause of death is lack of adequate health insurance. They don’t get treated because they have no insurance. That’s the equivalent of at least 5 of the towns with real people, like the town of Wassila, Alaska. Or nearly half the population of Asheville, NC.
- One of the 30,000 who died last year because he had no insurance was Mike Danforth, the 33-year-old son of Leslie Boyd, a friend and a reporter for our local newspaper. She has begun an effort to educate about this problem, collecting stories of people caught in this tragedy, and encouraging the rest of us to badger our politicians to, as she puts it, “put on their big person pants” and work out a solution to this shameful part of the American experience. (You can check out the wonderfully informative and moving website: lifeomike.org)

One other comment/observation: What do the Constitution’s words “provide for the common defense” mean when 30,000 people die annually (more than 10 times the number who died in the 9/11 attacks, or more than 200,000 since then) because they can’t get healthcare – in a country that boasts about its medical research and treatment?

Could God Reproduce?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

I look forward to the day when “mission accomplished” has real meaning: we have lasting peace.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Don’t you get sick?
And tired?
Of us?
No?
Your patience must be infinite…
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“I will not write a book of Revelation. I believe living as a revelation of the Holy is more important.

[‘nuf said. But He didn’t.]

D. Blog: A Haiku

God could not reproduce
A perfect self.
Only humans -- the next best thing?

Autumn Character

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

I’m going to give you a peace of my mind: Peace now.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

I feel your encouragement and guidance. I sense the promise in what lies ahead. Still, I have moments of anxiety: what ifs? And hows? And whens? The promise is very attractive and you help keep it in front of me. Dispel my fears with faith. Keep my eyes on the prize.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Give to Caesar what belongs to him. That would be the clothes on his back. Anything else – God’s.”

[And even those might be questionable. But He never came right out and said this.]

D. Blog: Autumn

Some leaves become extremely colorful as they age. But until that happens, we don’t really notice them. They blend into the mass of other greenery.

I notice parallels. Humans often take on character only as we age and approach death.

Mothering God

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Peace arrives with the rainbow, not the lightning.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

You touched my life directly in a mothering way. I am better for that experience.
You reached out to catch me when I had fallen.
I feared for my life and for my soul, and you wrapped me in your arms to give me safety and reassurance.
I know both your fierce protection and your loving kindness.
As you did not forsake me, so I will not forsake you.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Can one of you give me change for this $20 bill?”

[They couldn’t, and He made a scene with the money changers at the temple, but He didn’t say this.]

D. Blog: Religious Humor

There was a tailor named Mendel and he was worried about his business. Mendel was down to his last $50 and was torn between buying a sign and getting food for his family. Mendel decided to pray. "Dear God," he said, "I don't know what to do. If I buy a sign it may bring in business, but I need to buy groceries for my family...and if the sign doesn't bring in sales, we will starve."

God replied, "Mendel, buy the sign. Don't worry, your family won't starve."
So, Mendel bought the sign and business took off. The tailor fed his family and all was well. However, as time passed it became evident that Mendel couldn't keep up with orders all by himself. He contemplated hiring a helper, but wondered if he could afford it. So, he asked God if getting help would be a prudent move.

"Go ahead," God told Mendel, "hire some help, you'll do okay."

And so Mendel did. And business took off beyond his wildest dreams. After a time, the tailor decided to move to a larger site that would accommodate the growing demands of his business. As he surveyed certain locations, he found a perfect storefront, but the rental price was really steep. "God," Mendel again prayed, "I found the perfect place to relocate my business. But the cost of the lease worries me. I don't want to get in over my head."

"Go ahead and a get a lease on the store, Mendel," said God. "Trust me, you'll be okay--I haven't steered you wrong yet, have I?"

So Mendel signed a lease on the 5th Avenue store and profits from his business went through the roof. Out of heartfelt gratitude, Mendel proposed to the Almighty that he dedicate the store to Him. "How do you like the name "Yahweh and Mendel," the tailor asked.

"Nah," God said. "Let's go with 'Lord and Taylor.'"

Busted By Bush

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

“Tread on me at your own risk.” -- Eirene

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Morning light lifts my spirit.
I look forward to what the day will bring.
Mid-day light energizes me.
I find new ways to be fruitful and multiply.
Late afternoon light throws golden rays with special affection.
I see the glow on Earth’s fullness.
Evening’s soft light soothes me.
I sleep in the dark because I have know the light.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Don’t fence me in.”

[What He didn’t’ say when He left the tomb.]

D. Blog: Bumper Decor

- Civil Liberties: Don’t leave home without them

- Mall*Wart: Your source for cheap plastic crap

- Peace begins when the hungry are fed

- In Bush you trusted, now we’re busted!

In or Under the Bus?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

If peace came on a silver platter, today we would examine it for hidden explosives.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

The world has great needs.
Come with us on our way.
The world looks frightening.
Come with us on our way.
The world is in danger.
Come with us on our way.
You love the world.
You come with us on your way.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“I told you guys before: No child left behind. C’mere kids.”

[Something like it, but no, He didn’t say this.]

D. Blog- A Strange Metaphor: Throw Someone Under the Bus

[Thanks to the doubletongued.org website]

throw (someone) under the bus

v. phr. to reject or betray (someone); to treat as a scapegoat; to put out of favor or at a disadvantage. Citations:
[1984 David Remnick @ New Jersey Washington Post (Sept. 7) “Pensive, With Orange Hair Cyndi Lauper & Her Tunes on Tour ”: In the rock ’n’ roll business, you are either on the bus or under it. Playing “Feelings” with Eddie and the Condos in a buffet bar in Butte is under the bus. Peter Frampton is under the bus. God willing, so are the Bee Gees.]

1991 Erin Emery @ Fort Morgan Gazette Telegraph (Colorado Springs, Colorado) (Dec. 12) “Hood talks without thinking, friends testify at murder trial” p. B1: Dees said he talked to Hood after he bonded out of the El Paso County Criminal Justice Center on Sept. 26, 1990, and warned him “that he was being thrown under the bus by Jennifer Reali.” But he said Hood believed Reali “was going to tell the truth.”

1993 John Nash Bangor Daily News (Maine) (July 17) “Tom Curley’s ‘passion’ returns to Oxford 250”: We got thrown out and learned to live on our own and then Oxford got thrown under the bus (by NASCAR). I guess we’re bretheren that got thrown under the bus and we found each other and decided we were a nice match.

1995 James Lawless Plain Dealer (Cleveland, Ohio) (Feb. 20) “Director Of Bureau Under Fire” p. 1B: We have benefited from having him here and I don’t feel any need to throw him under the bus.…He’s gotten pretty good results. He could use some help from his members, who could pay more. He has had some rough times, but you have to look forward.

2003 Stewart Mandel Sports Illustrated (Apr. 21) “Laying down the law”: Dorsey has the audacity to finish his career 38-2 instead of 39-1 and you guys are ready to throw him under the bus.

2006 Sports Illustrated (Oct. 1) “Report: Grimsley implicated Clemens, Pettitte, Tejada, others” (in Los Angeles): The affidavit also alleged Grimsley told federal agents that Roberts, Gibbons and Tejada “took anabolic steroids.” “What can I do? I spent one morning last year with Grimsley,” Tejada said Sunday before the Orioles played at Boston. “I mean, I already got thrown under the bus with (Rafael) Palmeiro.

Reader comment: No implication was intended re the validity of the origin or use of either saying, in any genre. I would, however, postulate that, much like a child’s game of Telephone, popular sayings spread exponentially; so that the origins of their impetuses can be, and often are, exceptionally obscure. –S. Cohen

[My comment: Which Republican candidate is throwing the other, however unintentionally, under the bus?]

Speaking of Change...

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

War on poverty.
War on drugs.
War on AIDS.
War on sin.
Declarations of war don’t seem very effective.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

Imagining nails pounded through flesh, I do not understand the hardened heart that does such a thing in the interest of imperial stability. Nor can I, then, comprehend the cold heart of US officials when they approve of torture in the interest of the US struggle against terrorists. My heart cries. As I imagine yours does.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Elvis and I will hang out together.”

[King and King of Kings, I guess. But He never said this.]

D. Blog: Changes

There was a big deal televised debate show last night. I doubt that it changed many voters’ minds. Speaking of change, leaves really know how to do that. Their changing gets my attention. Speaking of change, Alice’s age changes today. I’ll be focusing on that change. Who I’ll vote for will not change, but I vote for real change.

Just Ignore What He Taught...

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Peace is coming. Watch and wait for it!

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

On a good day, I see the sky.
On a good day, I see trees.
On a good day, I hear birds.
On a good day, I feel the sun’s warmth.
On a good day, I smell flowers.
On a good day, I taste flavors of food.
On a good day, I touch a loved one.
This day will be great!
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“So, Judas, you think the ‘love your enemies’ part went over the top?”

[A lot of Christians seem to agree. But He never said this.]

D. Blog: “Christian” Politicians

A “Christian” president turns “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” into “do unto others before they can do unto you.”

A “Christian” presidential candidate runs a campaign that circulates slanderous attacks about another “Christian” candidate.

A “Christian” vice presidential candidate, virtually unknown before her selection, questions whether we know enough about the other party’s presidential nominee who has been in the national media spotlight for several years. This “Christian” has also used her office to conduct a family vendetta against an employee, then lies about the indings of the committee that investigated her abuse of power.

Since so many other “Christians” seem to support these politicians who ignore Jesus’ comments like “love one another as I have loved you,” being “Christian” must not have anything to do with living according to Jesus’ life and teachings.

I think Jesus must be embarrassed…

Will Jesus Get Even?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

War’s “achievements“ do not last. Its deaths do.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

We think we’re so smart.
You know better.
We think we’re so righteous.
You know better.
We think we’re so creative.
You know better.
We think we can solve our problems.
You know better.
We think we’re so special.
You know better.
We think we can have it all.
You know better.
Will we grow up?
You only know.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“I never get mad. I get even.”

[Some people seem to think He will demonstrate this side of His character, but He never said it.]

D. Blog: A Rainy Day Haiku

Rain drops keep falling.
Rain drops, keep falling.
Earth’s thirst will be satisfied.

Talk About Miracles!

A. Unabashed Pacifist

Koalas for Peace:
“We are too cuddly to inspire warriors. We are too rare to be taken for granted. Look to us as symbols of peace.”

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

The way seems dark, full of evil, sin and destruction.
We need your hand of guidance to bring us to the light.
The way seems dangerous, full of violence, natural disasters and ecological terrors.
We need your hand of peace to lead us to a place of security.
The way seems steep, full of pain, suffering and sorrow.
We need your hand of comfort and healing to carry us to the top.
Take our hand and lead us, for you know the way home.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Disciples are a dime a dozen. What I need is a high-powered defense attorney.”

[What He did not say to the 12 as the guards led Him out of the Garden of Gethsemane.]

D. Blog: Speaking of Miracles

We experience miracles beyond number every day.
Our bodies – how they develop and function, mostly without our awareness.
Our minds and memories – how they enable us to maneuver through space and time to achieve identity and consciousness.
Our spirits – how they move us through the struggles and the joys of life into a maturity that includes patience and compassion and perspective.
Our families and communities – how they shape us and nurture us to give us grounding and connection.
Our language – how it enables our thinking and our communication, our very sense of self.
Our faith – how it allows us to live with hope, despite tragedy and the knowledge of our certain death.

Miracles are among the most common elements in our life, even without so-called supernatural happenings. Life depends on miracles.

Surfers for Peace

A. Unabashed Pacifist

Surfers for Peace:
“We enjoy the freedom peace provides. We enjoy natural thrills. We enjoy sun and sand and water. Give peace a chance to provide the thrills of a lifetime.”

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

We give thanks that you are ready to receive our praise and our petitions, our thanks and our trust.
We give thanks that you are ready to hear our requests for help in our individual lives and in our corporate life as congregation, community, nation and world.
We give thanks that we can come to you with our concerns and our joys, that you listen and respond.
We give thanks that we can come to you personally, privately and publicly. You put up no barriers to our approach to you.
We thank you for being ready to share in our lives, even unto death and beyond.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“The bicycle will revolutionize travel.”

[I know He never said it. But suppose He thought about it when He got on the donkey to ride into Jerusalem…]

D. Blog: Religious Humor

The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief. A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

Read Any Good Bumpers Lately?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Are Iraqis better off now than they were five and a half years ago? Are we?

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,
When I become bored, awaken me to the array of possibilities before me.
When I feel depressed, open my arms to welcome a neighbor.
When I lose hope, bring a ray of light in the form of a child’s laughter.
When I tire of the view, remind me to look upward.
When I want more, show me how less can satisfy.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“I’m so embarrassed.”

[Did He say that? Ever? When the woman washed his feet with her hair? Never said it in English. Maybe if He sees His followers now...]

D. Blog: Reading Bumpers

- Your silence will not protect you

- Who Would Jesus Bomb?

- Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one

- The most violent element in society is ignorance

Values

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

You can’t put a price on peace. That’s one of the problems with it.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

I accuse you – of making a universe too vast for us to measure.
I accuse you – of making life so diverse that we can neither apprehend nor categorize it all.
I accuse you – of making Earth so beautiful that we cannot put a price on it.
I accuse you – of making humans so intelligent and so creative that we see our resemblance to you.

Guilty, but thank you.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“You got my text message about the new pork barbecue place, right?”

[I think they call it 12 Bones. In Asheville, where Obama got his lunch the other day. Nah, He never said this.]

D. Blog: Glacier National Park Reflection

In this place, my eyes apprehend more natural beauty than my mind can comprehend.
In this place, the scenery holds more than thousands of photographs can express.
In this place, the timeless spirits speak to my spirit in ways that soothe and feed and inspire.
In this place, the ancients and even the moderns recognize the sacred that reaches ar beyond our categories of worth and value.
Little did they know when those pecuniary interests in Congress recognized this place as “worthless” the irony in their assessment.
In this place, worth does not compute.

Are You Paying Attention?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

“Live! From wherever we are, it’s Peace Now!”

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

I sit waiting and listening for your voice,
For when it comes, my soul does rejoice.
I heard the noise of machinery in the room,
And it led me to think doom and gloom.
I heard the sounds of lovers talking,
Quietly covered by their louder walking.
I heard the pages of a student, turning
Her thoughts to flights of learning.
I heard the gentle words in your accent, “Listen,
Pay attention to what you’ve been missing.”
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Peter, if you can’t walk on water, maybe you should try surfing.”

[The mental image is wonderful. But He never said it.]

D. Blog: Personal Reflection after 10 and 3 Years

Just 10 years ago, we departed what was, for some, a place of comfort and security. For us it had become stale and oppressive. We moved then to another place of promise, a vital hub of politics and commerce, wealth and international attention. Just 3 years ago, we departed that place because it had come to be dominated by fear, uncertainty and falsehood. We moved to this place of promise, where beauty is the landscape, art fills the air, and independence flows like the rivers. Here old forms pass away, newness and hope come to life and have a chance to thrive. Here I do and shall rest in peace.

Debate or Entertainment?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

In the new age, war is a historical artifact, a sociological anomaly, a political relic, a religious sin, incorrect in every respect.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

You deserve the best we have to offer.
Use this money and time.
You deserve the best we have to offer.
Use our lives and our love.
You deserve the best we have to offer.
Use our gifts and our minds.
You deserve the best we have to offer.
Use us.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“I can’t get no satisfaction.”

[He could have said it any number of times. But He would have used correct grammar.]

D. Blog: Debates as Entertainment

I avoid the televised debates. Staging, scripting, rehearsing, cameras, recorders, lights, audiences, judges (“analysts”). Entertainment tonight, folks. American Idol. Or “Reality TV”. I agree with John Oliver (of The Daily Show) that at this stage in the campaign, those who have yet to make up their minds about which candidate to support with their vote must be stupid. These spectacles are simply show. And there are other things I find much more entertaining and informative – historical fiction, biography of Houdini, Free Cell, the crossword puzzle, a dictionary…

How Dense are Jesus' Followers?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

Psst! Celebrity hunters, Psst! I think I see Peace Hilton right around the corner!

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

You brought us here. Now what?
Do justice.
You brought us here. Now what?
Love mercy.
You brought us here. Now what?
Walk humbly with you.
You brought us here, so we will do as you say.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Our young friend Mark thinks you guys are very dense. That’s not a compliment, Thaddeus.”

[Maybe Mark had it right, but He never said this.]

D. Blog: A Haiku

If the sun did not rise,
What would we do?
We would still depend on you.

Obama Stirs Hope

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

If peace came in the form of a Playboy “bunny,” it might get more attention – but would it get any commitment?

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

I’d like to expand on a familiar verse from Isaiah…

You shall go out with joy and be led fort with hope.
You shall go out with peace and be led forth with love.
The rivers and the streams will flow on in glory.
The meadows and fields will spring up in splendor.
The birds of the air shall soar with the angels.
As the words of life echo through the night,
You shall go out with joy and be led forth with hope.

Do you like it?
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“They want me to be judge in the Fairy Queen contest. Of course I’ll do it, Peter!”

[Why not? Well, He probably would have said it according to my gospel…]

D. Blog: Different Kind of Hope?

Some churches in town were a little emptier than usual yesterday. Mr. Obama was the featured speaker at the outdoor service (campaign stop) at the high school football stadium. About 6,000 fans stood on the hillsides overlooking the packed stadium, which held the capacity 22,000. They were not too concerned that they didn't hear everything he said. They got the inspiration and hope they needed from the service and his presence.

Cosmic Expansion - Blame God

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

To live at peace in a violent world takes great courage. Otherwise, doing so would be more prevalent.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

You lift the limits.
You raise the roof.
You expand the horizon.
You broaden our options.
You increase the odds for joy.
You bring abundant life.
Thank you.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Take five, guys. Feeding this crowd is exhausting, I know.”

[Maybe He didn’t mean five minutes when He didn’t say this..]

D. Blog: Warning: Pun Ahead!!

Some friars needed to raise more money for books for the school, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close their shop, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close it.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

With Condiments? Really?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

It can come at any time, so be prepared. No one knows the hour. Do not be caught off guard. It can steal upon us like a thief in the night. Peace is coming.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

From our places of comfort and security, you send us into a world of pain and danger.
From our times of prayer and praise, you send us into a world of greed and blasphemy.
From our encounter with divine reality, you send us into a world of deceit and violence.
Grant us the wisdom of serpents and the gentleness of lambs.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“You have heard it said that I said many things, but I tell you, you have not heard the many things I did not say.”

[That’s exactly why I do this research! But He never said it.]

D. Blog: If Your Bumper Could Speak, It Might Say...

- Urban Sprawl: Cut Down All the Trees and Name Streets After Them

- Why Be Normal?

- Vegetarians do it with relish (But wear a condiment)

- People are more opposed to fur than leather because it’s easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs

Jesus as Lord?

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

When the peace train rolls into the station, I’ll be packed and ready to board.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

It all traces back to you. Nothing goes back beyond you. That makes creation stories true. As for the facts, they matter primarily to scientists and the literal minded. I have repented of that mindset.

Jesus, too, traces back to you. Not physically or genealogically (did Matthew or Luke expect to be taken literally? I doubt it.) Have too many people missed the meaning because they hang up on the facts? He comes from you as surely as anything we can know, it’s absolutely true.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Bring me my pipe and slippers, James.”

[I like it enough that I’d put it in the Gospel According to Ron, but He never said it.]

D. Blog: “Malarkey” [Why would this word come to mind for today???]

[Kudos to Michael Quinion and his wonderful website, World Wide Words]

Meaningless talk; humbug; nonsense; foolishness.

It’s still known in the US and to a lesser extent in the UK and elsewhere, but where this odd-looking word comes from is decidedly uncertain. What we do know is that it began to appear in the US in the early 1920s in various spellings, such as malaky, malachy, and mullarkey. Its first known user was the cartoonist T A Dorgan, in 1922, but it only began to appear widely at the end of the decade. By 1930, Variety could pun on it: “The song is ended but the Malarkey lingers on.”

Various theories have been advanced. Eric Partridge pointed to the modern Greek word malakia but he formed a group of one. His later editor, Paul Beale, noted the London expression Madame Misharty, the personification of sales talk, exaggerated claims, and wild predictions, a name that was supposedly that of a fortune teller. But this is stretching a possible linguistic link to breaking point and, in any case, we know it started life in North America. Others point to the family name Malarkey, though who the eponymous member of the tribe might have been whose Irish-derived gift of the gab could have given rise to the name remains unknown. Jonathon Green likewise suggests an Irish origin in mullachan, a strongly-built boy or ruffian, though this, too, seems a stretch of meaning.
We’ll just have to settle for the unsatisfactory “origin unknown”.

In His Name?

A. Unabashed Pacifist: A Vision

The old soldier was dying, but he had one more thing to say, “Peace Now.”

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

If people paid a penny for every time they used your name or Jesus’ name in vain, the sum would likely fund the worldwide church and its programs very well.
If people paid a penny for every time you forgive for some violation of the 10 Commandments, the sum would likely fund some national budgets.
But then a penny saved would not be a penny earned…
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Someday people will be so perverse as to name a warship after me.”

[If He only knew some of the things we do with and in His name…]

D. Blog: Busted!

Oct. 1, 2008
Miles Green, 16, of Pennsylvania Avenue, Asheville, charged with injury to real property. According to the arrest warrant, Green broke a sprinkler head in the jail. His bond was set at $1,500.

[So, was he arrested while he was already in jail?? What if it had been fake property?? The kid is obviously headed for a life of crime…]

A Modest Proposal?

A. Unabashed Pacifist

From Pandas for Peace:
Like other vegetarians, we are pacifists. You will not find us posing to be mascots or examples of warriors. When a war starts, we retreat to the bamboo forest, a place of tranquility and grace. Try it.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

By your grace, we have felt the assurance of your forgiveness in Jesus Christ.
By your grace, we have seen miraculous events in our lives.
By your grace, we know freedom from the bonds of sin and guilt and death.
By your grace, we have the presence of your spirit to guide our steps into your future.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Matthew suggests that to solve our financial crisis, we could start a franchise selling Savior’s shakes, sundaes and sodas. What do the rest of you think?”

[He had another plan.]

D. Blog: Poster Controversy

The poster said it was a modest proposal for peace: “What if Christians Agree Not to Kill Each Other?”

Some highly sensitive people criticized the question because it might imply that it would be okay to kill people of other religions. Of course its intent was to say that such a first step would be a big improvement over a situation where Christians think it’s okay to kill each other when their governments say they should. Its intent was to say that it is hypocritical of Christians to work for peace so long as they are willing to kill each other. Its intent was to raise this question among Christians: “How can we have peace so long as Christians can’t even take this first step?”

As we deal with such a modest proposal, we also begin to make the bolder proposal: “What if religious people of the world agreed not to kill each other?” What if we show this much respect for the God we all call holy, the One who inspires our faith and devotion, the One reflected in part in each one of us? What if we make our declaration of peace with people of all faiths?

It might suggest to skeptics and unbelievers that there is something to religious belief after all, that it’s more than a vestige of superstitious pre-history, that it might actually have something meaningful to say to a too violent world.
But perhaps that’s too much to expect. Perhaps killing one another is the best our religions have to offer…