The Jesus Tour

A. Unabashed Pacifist:

All good things come to those who wait. I’m awaiting the arrival of peace.

B. Unabashed Christian:

Holy One,

It is much easier to hear you in quiet places, away from distractions, away from the countless minor idols that hunger for a piece of our attention and praise. Away from that, we hear your voice, charming and clear, calling our names.

It is easier to find you in places where we can focus on beauty and wisdom and hope-filled stories. We find you where we can escape the fears and fads of the moment and discover your holiness – a glorious gem before which we bow in wonder.
Amen

C. Un-quoting Jesus:

“Okay, people. Form a line and for one denarius, I’ll give each of you an autographed copy of the prayer I wrote.”

[I have wondered how He earned a living while on tour, but this was not the way.]

D. Blog: Heaven - Just Ducky

Three men die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get the gate, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible to avoid stepping on a duck, and although they try their best to miss them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman the man has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same explanation as for the first guy.

The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The guy remarks to the woman, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

She says, "I don't know about you, but I accidentally stepped on a duck!"