A. Unabashed Pacifist:
God did not make me to grow up to be a soldier.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
We come to worship you. You have been waiting for us.
We come to offer thanks and praise. You have waited for them.
We have come to learn. You have waited to teach us.
We have come to ask for forgiveness. You have waited eagerly to forgive us.
We have come seeking comfort. You have waited to ease our suffering.
We have come to be moved. You have been waiting for signs of change.
We have come to be challenged. You have waited for someone to accept your challenge.
We have come to be inspired. You have been holding your breath until we got here.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Would you please give us directions to the temple from here?”
[He had no GPS, but this is not what He asked a bystander upon entering Jerusalem with the disciples.]
D. Blog: Has He died for you?
The reality of Jesus’ death hit very hard. It devastated His followers. And still they dwell it, turning it into a monumental, sacred sacrifice that guarantees forgiveness of sin, an earth-changing event that supposedly restored humanity into the grace of God.
Problem is, over emphasis on His death shortchanges the reality of His life. That He still lived as the Messiah in their midst changed the world for the first followers. That’s what raised them from the depths of despair and propelled them into throughout the Roman Empire and really turned the world upside down.
His life was not snuffed out like that of a common insurgent. He lived even more powerfully among them. For them, His death was an awful memory, but it was His life that truly mattered.
So, if Christ died for you and your sins, too bad. Christ lives for me.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Jesus on Rachel Alexander
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
“Blessed are the peacemakers.” – Jesus
“Blessed are those who go to war.” – US government
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You don’t watch as an outside observer; you see as an involved participant.
You don’t look on as a casual viewer; you feel the emotions of the action.
You don’t scan our lives for the high and low points; you know what goes on beneath the surface and understand the minor triumphs and the small sufferings and sacrifices.
You comprehend the fullness of our existence and you bless us and pronounce it good.
I am an open book before you. Read into it what you will.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“That’s right. I said 200 denarii on Rachel Alexander – to win!”
[Acting on an inside tip, He never said it.]
D. Blog: Five More Things Earth Can Live Without
5. Hair dyes
4. Electric pencil sharpeners
3. Packaging that can’t be opened without knife and scissors
2. Nuclear weapons
1. Beanie babies
“Blessed are the peacemakers.” – Jesus
“Blessed are those who go to war.” – US government
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You don’t watch as an outside observer; you see as an involved participant.
You don’t look on as a casual viewer; you feel the emotions of the action.
You don’t scan our lives for the high and low points; you know what goes on beneath the surface and understand the minor triumphs and the small sufferings and sacrifices.
You comprehend the fullness of our existence and you bless us and pronounce it good.
I am an open book before you. Read into it what you will.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“That’s right. I said 200 denarii on Rachel Alexander – to win!”
[Acting on an inside tip, He never said it.]
D. Blog: Five More Things Earth Can Live Without
5. Hair dyes
4. Electric pencil sharpeners
3. Packaging that can’t be opened without knife and scissors
2. Nuclear weapons
1. Beanie babies
Friday, May 29, 2009
Jesus on the Moon
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Peaceful lies the crown that enacts justice.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You are always ready to include everybody in your family; you invite everyone to the party. We are the ones who exclude. You would never do so.
You are ready to include without any ritual to make it “official.” We are the ones who want formality to make things more real and memorable. You don’t need those proofs or memory aids.
You are ready to include even when we hesitate, when we aren’t sure we have taken the appropriate steps or put on the right clothes. There are no such obstacles from your side.
You can definitely count me in.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Trust me, guys, the moon is made of green cheese.”
[So that’s where that idea came from! NOT!]
D. Blog: Word of the Week
“knickers”:
Short, loose-fitting undergarment, now usually for women, 1881, shortening of knickerbockers (1859), said to be so called for their resemblance to those of Dutchmen in Cruikshank's illustrations from Washington Irving's "History of New York" (see knickerbocker).
Okay, we'll see “knickerbocker”:
Descendant of Dutch settler of New York, 1831, from Diedrich Knickerbocker, the name under which Washington Irving published his popular "History of New York" (1809). The pen-name was borrowed from Irving's friend Herman Knickerbocker, and literally means "toy marble-baker."
[The journey from marbles to women's underwear? Through some sort of alchemic process I guess.]
[Thanks again to the Online Etymology Dictionary]
Peaceful lies the crown that enacts justice.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You are always ready to include everybody in your family; you invite everyone to the party. We are the ones who exclude. You would never do so.
You are ready to include without any ritual to make it “official.” We are the ones who want formality to make things more real and memorable. You don’t need those proofs or memory aids.
You are ready to include even when we hesitate, when we aren’t sure we have taken the appropriate steps or put on the right clothes. There are no such obstacles from your side.
You can definitely count me in.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Trust me, guys, the moon is made of green cheese.”
[So that’s where that idea came from! NOT!]
D. Blog: Word of the Week
“knickers”:
Short, loose-fitting undergarment, now usually for women, 1881, shortening of knickerbockers (1859), said to be so called for their resemblance to those of Dutchmen in Cruikshank's illustrations from Washington Irving's "History of New York" (see knickerbocker).
Okay, we'll see “knickerbocker”:
Descendant of Dutch settler of New York, 1831, from Diedrich Knickerbocker, the name under which Washington Irving published his popular "History of New York" (1809). The pen-name was borrowed from Irving's friend Herman Knickerbocker, and literally means "toy marble-baker."
[The journey from marbles to women's underwear? Through some sort of alchemic process I guess.]
[Thanks again to the Online Etymology Dictionary]
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Ahead of His Time
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Some days it feels as if I’m going to peace in a hand basket.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Seas are beautiful to look at, as are snow or mountains or tigers. Like many other beautiful things, they hold potential for great danger.
In your case, it seems the danger comes from our misperceptions, not from your natural beauty.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“I’m ahead of my time in this, I know, but for the record: the crusades are a blasphemous interpretation of my will.”
[I wish He had, but He didn’t. I think we’re supposed to reach that conclusion on our own.]
D. Blog: Just Wondering...
- I wonder: is Dick Cheney off his happy-pill meds again?
- I wonder: when leading the Mass, why do we call priests “celebrants” rather than “sober-ants”?
- I wonder: when another star athlete fails in a drugtest, does anybody hear it?
- I wonder: will people ever get over the notion of seeing Jesus in weird stuff or places and start seeing Him in their neighbors – where He said He is?
Some days it feels as if I’m going to peace in a hand basket.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Seas are beautiful to look at, as are snow or mountains or tigers. Like many other beautiful things, they hold potential for great danger.
In your case, it seems the danger comes from our misperceptions, not from your natural beauty.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“I’m ahead of my time in this, I know, but for the record: the crusades are a blasphemous interpretation of my will.”
[I wish He had, but He didn’t. I think we’re supposed to reach that conclusion on our own.]
D. Blog: Just Wondering...
- I wonder: is Dick Cheney off his happy-pill meds again?
- I wonder: when leading the Mass, why do we call priests “celebrants” rather than “sober-ants”?
- I wonder: when another star athlete fails in a drugtest, does anybody hear it?
- I wonder: will people ever get over the notion of seeing Jesus in weird stuff or places and start seeing Him in their neighbors – where He said He is?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Armageddon or??
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Peace means never having to say “I’m sorry.”
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Throughout human experience, we have honored countless gods. Some of them bore some resemblance to you. Most did not. All of them have, however, borne testimony to the human desire to know and worship you. What looks to us like idolatry and superstition does not change the longing to know you. The search for you apart from Jesus seems to me difficult, almost impossible. I’m glad you sent Him, but sorry we aren’t better at sharing the news He brought about you, the truth about you that sets us free to claim our place as your children.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Hello, darkness, my old friend.”
[Not what He said when He awoke in the tomb.]
D. Blog: God's on Our Side
Many Jews of Jesus’ time expected God to intervene in the struggle against Roman occupation. They assumed God was on their side. The destruction of Jerusalem should have ended such presumption of God’s favoritism in armed conflict. It might have demonstrated that God will not be forced to act, even if the cause is just, when “God’s people” resort to violence.
Too many of us still have not drawn those lessons. We still do not see that Jesus presented an alternative approach. We do not see that He was an alternative type of Messiah.
Predictors of Armageddon are latter-day variants of this misguided type of believer. They miss the mark on many fronts. They presume God wills such a tragedy for the world, when in truth God loves the world. They presume God will rescue them from the conflagration they envision. In their preoccupation with their imagined “end times,” they miss the blessings God provides in this life in this world. They deny the possibility and process of God’s dominion coming to Earth gradually and in a much less destructive manner.
Peace means never having to say “I’m sorry.”
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Throughout human experience, we have honored countless gods. Some of them bore some resemblance to you. Most did not. All of them have, however, borne testimony to the human desire to know and worship you. What looks to us like idolatry and superstition does not change the longing to know you. The search for you apart from Jesus seems to me difficult, almost impossible. I’m glad you sent Him, but sorry we aren’t better at sharing the news He brought about you, the truth about you that sets us free to claim our place as your children.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Hello, darkness, my old friend.”
[Not what He said when He awoke in the tomb.]
D. Blog: God's on Our Side
Many Jews of Jesus’ time expected God to intervene in the struggle against Roman occupation. They assumed God was on their side. The destruction of Jerusalem should have ended such presumption of God’s favoritism in armed conflict. It might have demonstrated that God will not be forced to act, even if the cause is just, when “God’s people” resort to violence.
Too many of us still have not drawn those lessons. We still do not see that Jesus presented an alternative approach. We do not see that He was an alternative type of Messiah.
Predictors of Armageddon are latter-day variants of this misguided type of believer. They miss the mark on many fronts. They presume God wills such a tragedy for the world, when in truth God loves the world. They presume God will rescue them from the conflagration they envision. In their preoccupation with their imagined “end times,” they miss the blessings God provides in this life in this world. They deny the possibility and process of God’s dominion coming to Earth gradually and in a much less destructive manner.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tell Me Stories
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
When in the course of human events peace comes to pass, God weeps for joy.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Tell me the stories of Jesus.
Tell me the stories of laughter and love.
Tell me the stories of courage and hope.
Tell me the stories of triumph and grace.
Tell me the stories of joy and peace.
Tell me the stories of faith and freedom.
Tell me the stories of God in our midst.
Tell me the stories of Jesus.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“I love those Christian broadcasts. So original in their interpretations of me. They're just too, too much.”
[Agreed, but He never said it.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
I see the light of dawn.
I see the dark of night.
I see their goodness.
When in the course of human events peace comes to pass, God weeps for joy.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Tell me the stories of Jesus.
Tell me the stories of laughter and love.
Tell me the stories of courage and hope.
Tell me the stories of triumph and grace.
Tell me the stories of joy and peace.
Tell me the stories of faith and freedom.
Tell me the stories of God in our midst.
Tell me the stories of Jesus.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“I love those Christian broadcasts. So original in their interpretations of me. They're just too, too much.”
[Agreed, but He never said it.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
I see the light of dawn.
I see the dark of night.
I see their goodness.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Room in the Inn?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Imagine a day when a folk song says “Where have all the soldiers gone? Gone to plant flowers, every one, since they have finally learned, since they have finally learned.”
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
The news and noise of the world reminds us that we do not hide from it. You call us to love it, pray for it, serve in it.
Yet we also need quiet space apart from it. We need to make space for you to speak to us so that we feel refreshed, hopeful and inspired. We need space to reflect on our lives in the world and on how you act in us and in the world.
Give us this day the daily bread to keep us strong in our service to you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“A room for 13 in the Jerusalem Holiday Inn, please. We’re coming into town for Passover.”
[No room in that inn, either. And He never said it.]
D. Blog: Memorial Day
Decoration Day began as a day to decorate the gravesites of soldiers killed during the nation’s wars. Now called Memorial Day, it has expanded to remember those killed while giving service to the nation, and, in many cases, to remembering their widows/widowers and orphans by giving them financial support.
I have no quarrel with any of that. But I think our definition of service to the nation should be more expansive, to include service given outside of the military and war. So I can remember on this day police officers and fire fighters who died in the line of duty. I can remember Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King, Jr., or John F. Kennedy, who were killed while providing incredible service to the nation. I can honor teachers killed in their classrooms, or government workers in the Oklahoma City bombing.
Service to the nation does not always wear a uniform.
Imagine a day when a folk song says “Where have all the soldiers gone? Gone to plant flowers, every one, since they have finally learned, since they have finally learned.”
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
The news and noise of the world reminds us that we do not hide from it. You call us to love it, pray for it, serve in it.
Yet we also need quiet space apart from it. We need to make space for you to speak to us so that we feel refreshed, hopeful and inspired. We need space to reflect on our lives in the world and on how you act in us and in the world.
Give us this day the daily bread to keep us strong in our service to you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“A room for 13 in the Jerusalem Holiday Inn, please. We’re coming into town for Passover.”
[No room in that inn, either. And He never said it.]
D. Blog: Memorial Day
Decoration Day began as a day to decorate the gravesites of soldiers killed during the nation’s wars. Now called Memorial Day, it has expanded to remember those killed while giving service to the nation, and, in many cases, to remembering their widows/widowers and orphans by giving them financial support.
I have no quarrel with any of that. But I think our definition of service to the nation should be more expansive, to include service given outside of the military and war. So I can remember on this day police officers and fire fighters who died in the line of duty. I can remember Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King, Jr., or John F. Kennedy, who were killed while providing incredible service to the nation. I can honor teachers killed in their classrooms, or government workers in the Oklahoma City bombing.
Service to the nation does not always wear a uniform.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Whatever?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
If we value peace, what kind of salary should a peace activist receive? How about a peace reservist?
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Because you don’t give up, you adopt flops and failures and turn them into successes.
Because you don’t give up, I know my failures are not the whole story; they do not define me.
Because you don’t give up, I continue to hope in the midst of adversity.
Because you don’t give up, I have faith that there is a rainbow in my future.
Because you don’t give up, I find strength to carry on.
Because you don’t give up, I seek out those who offer encouragement.
Because you don’t give up, why should I?
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Whatever.”
[Not what He said to the young man who asked how he could inherit eternal life.]
D. Blog: A Riddle
What do Kermit the Frog, Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
[They all have the same middle name.]
If we value peace, what kind of salary should a peace activist receive? How about a peace reservist?
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Because you don’t give up, you adopt flops and failures and turn them into successes.
Because you don’t give up, I know my failures are not the whole story; they do not define me.
Because you don’t give up, I continue to hope in the midst of adversity.
Because you don’t give up, I have faith that there is a rainbow in my future.
Because you don’t give up, I find strength to carry on.
Because you don’t give up, I seek out those who offer encouragement.
Because you don’t give up, why should I?
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Whatever.”
[Not what He said to the young man who asked how he could inherit eternal life.]
D. Blog: A Riddle
What do Kermit the Frog, Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
[They all have the same middle name.]
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Earth's Expendables
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
When others hear martial music, I listen for the voice of an angel singing of peace on Earth.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Thank you for the invitation to your party. I wouldn’t miss it.
Thank you for inviting me to the banquet. I love good food.
Thank you for the invitation to the wedding feast. I’m not much for dancing, but I can’t resist a party and a fancy spread of food.
Thank you for inviting me to stay in your mansion. I’m so glad you have room for me.
Your hospitality is unbelievable! You make me feel so welcome. Please know that you are always welcome in my house, at my dinner table and among the guests at my parties. My hospitality can’t compete with yours, but I will try to make you feel at home.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Mom, be sure to spread my ashes on the Sea of Galilee.”
[Didn’t happen, and He didn’t say it.]
D. Blog: Expendable
Five things Earth can live without:
5. Nail salons
4. Tattoo joints
3. Skate board parks
2. Golf courses
1. Flags
When others hear martial music, I listen for the voice of an angel singing of peace on Earth.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Thank you for the invitation to your party. I wouldn’t miss it.
Thank you for inviting me to the banquet. I love good food.
Thank you for the invitation to the wedding feast. I’m not much for dancing, but I can’t resist a party and a fancy spread of food.
Thank you for inviting me to stay in your mansion. I’m so glad you have room for me.
Your hospitality is unbelievable! You make me feel so welcome. Please know that you are always welcome in my house, at my dinner table and among the guests at my parties. My hospitality can’t compete with yours, but I will try to make you feel at home.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Mom, be sure to spread my ashes on the Sea of Galilee.”
[Didn’t happen, and He didn’t say it.]
D. Blog: Expendable
Five things Earth can live without:
5. Nail salons
4. Tattoo joints
3. Skate board parks
2. Golf courses
1. Flags
Friday, May 22, 2009
"Etc." Gets a Workout
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Imagine the first policy steps when the Peace Party begins its administration…
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Friend of Mine,
In a sense, all you want of us is that we be your friends. You provide a fantastic world in which to live. You provide enough for our physical needs. You give us marvelous brains for learning and for exploring our world. You share the mystery of love and community. You infuse and envelope us in your spirit self. From your self, you even offered one who could represent and present your nature/character in a fullness otherwise unmatched. All of this, it would appear, so we would acknowledge you and claim you as our friend. Amazing, the lengths to which you go. Amazing, too, how dense we humans can be. Nevertheless, I want to be your friend, too.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Verily I say to you, I can take it with me.”
[You won’t find this in the gospels, because He never said it.]
D. Blog: Word of the Week
“Orgy”
[Another offering from the Online Etymology Dictionary, with a wonderful climax – to the description of course.]
1561, orgies (pl.) "secret rites in the worship of certain Gk. and Roman gods," especially Dionysus, from M.Fr. orgies (c.1500), from L. orgia, from Gk. orgia (pl.) "secret rites," from PIE base *werg- "to work" (see urge (v.)). The singular, orgy, was first used in Eng. 1665 for the extended sense of "any licentious revelry." OED says of the ancient rites that they were "celebrated with extravagant dancing, singing, drinking, etc.," which gives "etc." quite a workout.
Imagine the first policy steps when the Peace Party begins its administration…
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Friend of Mine,
In a sense, all you want of us is that we be your friends. You provide a fantastic world in which to live. You provide enough for our physical needs. You give us marvelous brains for learning and for exploring our world. You share the mystery of love and community. You infuse and envelope us in your spirit self. From your self, you even offered one who could represent and present your nature/character in a fullness otherwise unmatched. All of this, it would appear, so we would acknowledge you and claim you as our friend. Amazing, the lengths to which you go. Amazing, too, how dense we humans can be. Nevertheless, I want to be your friend, too.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Verily I say to you, I can take it with me.”
[You won’t find this in the gospels, because He never said it.]
D. Blog: Word of the Week
“Orgy”
[Another offering from the Online Etymology Dictionary, with a wonderful climax – to the description of course.]
1561, orgies (pl.) "secret rites in the worship of certain Gk. and Roman gods," especially Dionysus, from M.Fr. orgies (c.1500), from L. orgia, from Gk. orgia (pl.) "secret rites," from PIE base *werg- "to work" (see urge (v.)). The singular, orgy, was first used in Eng. 1665 for the extended sense of "any licentious revelry." OED says of the ancient rites that they were "celebrated with extravagant dancing, singing, drinking, etc.," which gives "etc." quite a workout.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Pirates of the Galilee?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
I decided I do need one weapon in my house: love.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
When I cannot see the beauty of Earth around me, open my eyes.
When I cannot see the joys in my life, open my eyes.
When all I see are liars, cheats, thugs and adulterers, open my eyes.
When I cannot see the hope of a new day, open my eyes.
When all I can see are bigots, nay-sayers and ingrates, open my eyes.
When I cannot find a friend to understand me, open my eyes.
When all I can see is violence, pollution and greed, open my eyes.
When I cannot see love in my neighbors, open my eyes.
When all I can see leads to misery, disease and death, open my eyes.
When I cannot see truth, open my eyes to see you.
When all I can see is hard work, open my eyes to see creativity.
When I cannot see a reason, open my eyes to see you.
When I cannot see at all, open my eyes to see only you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“No, Peter. I don’t think ‘Pirates of the Galilee’ will impress Rome at all. We’ll do things my way.”
[Peter running too far ahead of his time, but Jesus didn’t say this.]
D. Blog: Crime Wave Continues
Asheville Citizen-Times, May 21, 2009
A Swannanoa woman faces a charge of stealing candy from Ingles [local Grocery Store].Tiffany Lynn Jones, 20, was charged with misdemeanor larceny, according to a warrant served today.
[Things are pretty tough around here!]
I decided I do need one weapon in my house: love.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
When I cannot see the beauty of Earth around me, open my eyes.
When I cannot see the joys in my life, open my eyes.
When all I see are liars, cheats, thugs and adulterers, open my eyes.
When I cannot see the hope of a new day, open my eyes.
When all I can see are bigots, nay-sayers and ingrates, open my eyes.
When I cannot find a friend to understand me, open my eyes.
When all I can see is violence, pollution and greed, open my eyes.
When I cannot see love in my neighbors, open my eyes.
When all I can see leads to misery, disease and death, open my eyes.
When I cannot see truth, open my eyes to see you.
When all I can see is hard work, open my eyes to see creativity.
When I cannot see a reason, open my eyes to see you.
When I cannot see at all, open my eyes to see only you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“No, Peter. I don’t think ‘Pirates of the Galilee’ will impress Rome at all. We’ll do things my way.”
[Peter running too far ahead of his time, but Jesus didn’t say this.]
D. Blog: Crime Wave Continues
Asheville Citizen-Times, May 21, 2009
A Swannanoa woman faces a charge of stealing candy from Ingles [local Grocery Store].Tiffany Lynn Jones, 20, was charged with misdemeanor larceny, according to a warrant served today.
[Things are pretty tough around here!]
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
God the Enabler
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
The passion felt for a right to bear arms is strongest in those who make and sell weaponry. The rest of us get caught in the crossfire.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
So, tell me, when did you recognize that you are an enabler? And have you decided that you should stop that pattern of behavior with your children? Why not? Oh, I see… Well, I suppose that’s alright then. Please carry on.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Blessed are the greedy.”
[That’s not what Zacchaeus heard him say. Sallie McFague points out that you can’t find this saying in any major religion.]
D. Blog: Rampant Crime in Asheville!!!
N Wayne Thomas Carland Jr., 49, of Asheville, charged with breaking and entering and larceny. According to arrest warrants, Carland broke into a man’s residence and stole a weed eater. Carland posted $500 bond and was released. --Asheville Citizen-Times
[Truth is stranger than fiction… (1) Who keeps a weed eater in his house? (2) How poor is the man if the only thing a thief thinks worth taking is a weed eater? (3) What’s in the head of the thief who steals a weed eater? “Wow! I can probably pawn this for $5!!” (4) Finally, he can post $500 bail, but steals a weed eater???]
The passion felt for a right to bear arms is strongest in those who make and sell weaponry. The rest of us get caught in the crossfire.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
So, tell me, when did you recognize that you are an enabler? And have you decided that you should stop that pattern of behavior with your children? Why not? Oh, I see… Well, I suppose that’s alright then. Please carry on.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Blessed are the greedy.”
[That’s not what Zacchaeus heard him say. Sallie McFague points out that you can’t find this saying in any major religion.]
D. Blog: Rampant Crime in Asheville!!!
N Wayne Thomas Carland Jr., 49, of Asheville, charged with breaking and entering and larceny. According to arrest warrants, Carland broke into a man’s residence and stole a weed eater. Carland posted $500 bond and was released. --Asheville Citizen-Times
[Truth is stranger than fiction… (1) Who keeps a weed eater in his house? (2) How poor is the man if the only thing a thief thinks worth taking is a weed eater? (3) What’s in the head of the thief who steals a weed eater? “Wow! I can probably pawn this for $5!!” (4) Finally, he can post $500 bail, but steals a weed eater???]
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Jesus on the Profit Motive
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
I read that the pentagon plans to hire 20,000 more people to procure more weapons. I think I see the double “benefit” in this plan: (1) reduce unemployment in the US; (2) reduce foreign competition for jobs by killing foreigners. Brilliant!
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Your justice rolls down to restore wholeness to the community. Let it roll over injustice, wash away oppression and clean out inhuman conditions.
Your justice rolls down to accuse the mighty and bring mercy to the humble. Let it roll over violence and war, bringing the chance for a fresh start.
Your justice rolls down to scatter the proud in the prisons of their complacency. Let it roll over apathy and self-satisfaction and bring hope for the downtrodden.
Your justice rolls down to drown the greedy and bring good things to the hungry. Let it roll voer dishonesty for the sake of gain and restore confidence in financial institutions.
Your justice rolls. Let us rock in its security.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Sure Judas, profit is a worthy motive for your actions.”
[He never said it, and Judas apparently learned otherwise, too.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
No clouds hide the morning sun.
No cares cloud my mind.
Blessing – evermore.
I read that the pentagon plans to hire 20,000 more people to procure more weapons. I think I see the double “benefit” in this plan: (1) reduce unemployment in the US; (2) reduce foreign competition for jobs by killing foreigners. Brilliant!
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Your justice rolls down to restore wholeness to the community. Let it roll over injustice, wash away oppression and clean out inhuman conditions.
Your justice rolls down to accuse the mighty and bring mercy to the humble. Let it roll over violence and war, bringing the chance for a fresh start.
Your justice rolls down to scatter the proud in the prisons of their complacency. Let it roll over apathy and self-satisfaction and bring hope for the downtrodden.
Your justice rolls down to drown the greedy and bring good things to the hungry. Let it roll voer dishonesty for the sake of gain and restore confidence in financial institutions.
Your justice rolls. Let us rock in its security.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Sure Judas, profit is a worthy motive for your actions.”
[He never said it, and Judas apparently learned otherwise, too.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
No clouds hide the morning sun.
No cares cloud my mind.
Blessing – evermore.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Climate Change - Or Else
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Christians, Muslims, Jews: Our God is One and the same God, whose name is Loving Mercy.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
We think of you as interested in belief. And you are. So it surprises us that you use doubt to strengthen belief. You use doubt to cast away casual and immature belief. You use doubt to clarify belief that is unclear, uncertain, less than authentic. You use doubt to exercise the muscles of belief. You use doubt as a refiner’s fire to temper belief so it is strong enough to face persecution and death. You use doubt as sand to polish belief so it glows in the dark and sheds light on those who need it. You use doubt because ignoring it or squelching it leads to unbelief. You use doubt and it helps reveal you more clearly.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Too bad you don’t have a cell phone, Peter, so you could take a picture of me walking here and send it to the rest of the guys.”
[Even a camera might have done, but He didn’t say this when walking on the water.]
D. Blog: Climate Change
A few months ago, we put a sign in our yard: Stop Global Warming. Since then, the temperatures around here have been cooler than the usual, so we joke about how the sign really works. Everyone should get one and that would end the threat.
But climate change is no joke. And we cannot eliminate the threat, only reduce its inevitable impacts. You’ve heard it: human activity has created the dangerous situation. Andy Capp was right (although he might never have heard about global warming): We have met the enemy, and it is us. Our assault on Planet Earth needs to pull back, retreat if we want to save any chance of a decent way of human life.
Christians, Muslims, Jews: Our God is One and the same God, whose name is Loving Mercy.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
We think of you as interested in belief. And you are. So it surprises us that you use doubt to strengthen belief. You use doubt to cast away casual and immature belief. You use doubt to clarify belief that is unclear, uncertain, less than authentic. You use doubt to exercise the muscles of belief. You use doubt as a refiner’s fire to temper belief so it is strong enough to face persecution and death. You use doubt as sand to polish belief so it glows in the dark and sheds light on those who need it. You use doubt because ignoring it or squelching it leads to unbelief. You use doubt and it helps reveal you more clearly.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Too bad you don’t have a cell phone, Peter, so you could take a picture of me walking here and send it to the rest of the guys.”
[Even a camera might have done, but He didn’t say this when walking on the water.]
D. Blog: Climate Change
A few months ago, we put a sign in our yard: Stop Global Warming. Since then, the temperatures around here have been cooler than the usual, so we joke about how the sign really works. Everyone should get one and that would end the threat.
But climate change is no joke. And we cannot eliminate the threat, only reduce its inevitable impacts. You’ve heard it: human activity has created the dangerous situation. Andy Capp was right (although he might never have heard about global warming): We have met the enemy, and it is us. Our assault on Planet Earth needs to pull back, retreat if we want to save any chance of a decent way of human life.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Where Would Jesus Buy a Condo?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
My favorite part of the story was when they kissed and made up. We should all act that scene.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You open our minds to new things. The old is foundation, but the new drives us onward. You invite our participation in the amazing complexity of a living creation. Instead of memorials to the past, you lead us to new and transformed life. Lead on, guiding light and eternal hope.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“When I retire, I’m going to get a nice condo on the beach in Caesarea.”
[He never said it, promise.]
D. Blog: Creating Famous Religious Art
After painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the Pope asked Michelangelo what part of the job was the most difficult.
He replied, "Staying in the lines."
My favorite part of the story was when they kissed and made up. We should all act that scene.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You open our minds to new things. The old is foundation, but the new drives us onward. You invite our participation in the amazing complexity of a living creation. Instead of memorials to the past, you lead us to new and transformed life. Lead on, guiding light and eternal hope.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“When I retire, I’m going to get a nice condo on the beach in Caesarea.”
[He never said it, promise.]
D. Blog: Creating Famous Religious Art
After painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the Pope asked Michelangelo what part of the job was the most difficult.
He replied, "Staying in the lines."
Saturday, May 16, 2009
God and the Details
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
It’s all about takin’ a chance on peace.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Cells, genes, atoms, microbes, waves, quarks. These and more you considered and made and monitor. They all command your attention. Like the hairs of our heads, you have accounted for them. You attend to the details, as well as being in them.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“A shekel saved is a shekel earned. The woman should have kept it.”
[Judas or Matthew might have said it, but Jesus did not say this when she put her coin in the temple offering box.]
D. Blog: On Pilgrimage
So, the pope visited Jerusalem. One of the sites he visited I had never heard of before. Supposedly, it’s the spot where Jesus’ body was prepared for burial. What??? Gimme a break! Like anybody really knows such a thing. Just another place where some enterprising entrepreneur decided he could make some money from visiting and gullible pilgrims. It inspires me – with similar ideas. How about: “This is the spot from which Washington threw a dollar across the Potomac River.” Or perhaps, “Here’s where the cherry tree grew that young Washington chopped down because it blocked the view from his bedroom window.” P.T. Barnum sure had it right. Even when the sucker is a pope? Or is said pope encouraging suckerhood as saintliness?
It’s all about takin’ a chance on peace.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Cells, genes, atoms, microbes, waves, quarks. These and more you considered and made and monitor. They all command your attention. Like the hairs of our heads, you have accounted for them. You attend to the details, as well as being in them.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“A shekel saved is a shekel earned. The woman should have kept it.”
[Judas or Matthew might have said it, but Jesus did not say this when she put her coin in the temple offering box.]
D. Blog: On Pilgrimage
So, the pope visited Jerusalem. One of the sites he visited I had never heard of before. Supposedly, it’s the spot where Jesus’ body was prepared for burial. What??? Gimme a break! Like anybody really knows such a thing. Just another place where some enterprising entrepreneur decided he could make some money from visiting and gullible pilgrims. It inspires me – with similar ideas. How about: “This is the spot from which Washington threw a dollar across the Potomac River.” Or perhaps, “Here’s where the cherry tree grew that young Washington chopped down because it blocked the view from his bedroom window.” P.T. Barnum sure had it right. Even when the sucker is a pope? Or is said pope encouraging suckerhood as saintliness?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Well-heeled?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Bottom line for judging a government: do its citizens live without fear of violence?
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You instill in all people a desire to be free of tyranny and dictatorship. You made us free of your control, so why on Earth would we willingly submit to the control of something or someone less than you? You could have controlled us like puppets, but you didn’t. You wanted us free to love you and love others, not bound in fear or uncertainty. Free to choose you or not, free to live our lives in pursuit of the dreams your spirit gives us, you make us more than we could imagine. Free of guilt and self-doubt, we can live confident and secure in the knowledge that you want what nurtures and builds us into maturity; you have no interest in making us adhere to stale religious creeds and religious laws. I imagine you take pride in your independent children who constantly surprise you and are a delight to you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Aren’t we there yet?”
[Not what He said when His parents took him to Jerusalem.]
D. Blog: How are your heels?
Evan Morris of word-detective.com explains "well-heeled."
Dear Word Detective: Can you help me with the origin of the term "well-heeled"? I assume it refers to a wealthy man who keeps his shoe or boot heels up, but I haven't been able to find a definitive reference or original usage. -- Jim Puskar, via the internet.
I'll certainly give it a shot, but I'm not entirely clear on the origin you seem to be proposing. Do you mean that "well-heeled" comes from the ability of rich folks to keep their footwear in good repair? Or do you mean (as I first interpreted your question) that the wealthy get to relax and put their feet up most of the time? Personally, I like the sound of the second interpretation. If I were rich, I wouldn't even wear shoes.
As it happens, however, "well-heeled," meaning "rich" or at least "well-off," is usually thought to refer to the well-maintained shoes of the rich and famous. Someone who is "well-heeled" certainly has enough money (and probably, like Imelda Marcos, enough pairs of shoes) to ensure that the heels of his or her shoes are regularly replaced before they deteriorate from wear. "Well-heeled," an American coinage, first appeared in print around 1873. Curiously, that date makes "well-heeled" a newcomer compared to its opposite, "down at the heels," meaning "poor" or "destitute," which was common by the 17th century. "Down at the heels" refers, of course, to the sad state of a poor person's worn-out shoes.
[Next question: how do well + off = wealthy? Seems like an oxymoron...]
Bottom line for judging a government: do its citizens live without fear of violence?
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You instill in all people a desire to be free of tyranny and dictatorship. You made us free of your control, so why on Earth would we willingly submit to the control of something or someone less than you? You could have controlled us like puppets, but you didn’t. You wanted us free to love you and love others, not bound in fear or uncertainty. Free to choose you or not, free to live our lives in pursuit of the dreams your spirit gives us, you make us more than we could imagine. Free of guilt and self-doubt, we can live confident and secure in the knowledge that you want what nurtures and builds us into maturity; you have no interest in making us adhere to stale religious creeds and religious laws. I imagine you take pride in your independent children who constantly surprise you and are a delight to you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Aren’t we there yet?”
[Not what He said when His parents took him to Jerusalem.]
D. Blog: How are your heels?
Evan Morris of word-detective.com explains "well-heeled."
Dear Word Detective: Can you help me with the origin of the term "well-heeled"? I assume it refers to a wealthy man who keeps his shoe or boot heels up, but I haven't been able to find a definitive reference or original usage. -- Jim Puskar, via the internet.
I'll certainly give it a shot, but I'm not entirely clear on the origin you seem to be proposing. Do you mean that "well-heeled" comes from the ability of rich folks to keep their footwear in good repair? Or do you mean (as I first interpreted your question) that the wealthy get to relax and put their feet up most of the time? Personally, I like the sound of the second interpretation. If I were rich, I wouldn't even wear shoes.
As it happens, however, "well-heeled," meaning "rich" or at least "well-off," is usually thought to refer to the well-maintained shoes of the rich and famous. Someone who is "well-heeled" certainly has enough money (and probably, like Imelda Marcos, enough pairs of shoes) to ensure that the heels of his or her shoes are regularly replaced before they deteriorate from wear. "Well-heeled," an American coinage, first appeared in print around 1873. Curiously, that date makes "well-heeled" a newcomer compared to its opposite, "down at the heels," meaning "poor" or "destitute," which was common by the 17th century. "Down at the heels" refers, of course, to the sad state of a poor person's worn-out shoes.
[Next question: how do well + off = wealthy? Seems like an oxymoron...]
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Just Wondering...
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
What I’d like to hear on the nightly news: “Now this report from our correspondent on the peace front in _____.”
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Lover of Diversity,
You made us male and female, equal partners in the wonder of procreation.
Let us honor our diversity.
You made us black, white, brown, red and yellow, a rainbow of one humanity.
Let us cherish our diversity.
You made us heterosexual and homosexual, invited to share in the meaning of love.
Let us take pride in our diversity.
You made us gifted and limited, all contributing to the gift of community.
Let us find joy in our diversity.
You made us to love you and to love our neighbors.
Let us live love in our diversity.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
[No. Paul perhaps, but Jesus never said it – in any language.]
D. Blog: Just Wondering…
- Would it help if we all prayed for Dick Cheney’s en-lighten-ment?
- If Jews say no one should read the book of Ezekiel until age 40, what age does a Christian have to reach before being allowed to read the book of Revelation? 65?
- I read that Sarah Palin supports Miss California. Isn’t that confirmation of the “takes one to know one” saying?
- Anybody else see a connection between: (a) Bernie Madoff, (b) athletes taking steroids, (c) “beauty” contestants having breast implants, and (c) seeking justification for the use of torture?
What I’d like to hear on the nightly news: “Now this report from our correspondent on the peace front in _____.”
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Lover of Diversity,
You made us male and female, equal partners in the wonder of procreation.
Let us honor our diversity.
You made us black, white, brown, red and yellow, a rainbow of one humanity.
Let us cherish our diversity.
You made us heterosexual and homosexual, invited to share in the meaning of love.
Let us take pride in our diversity.
You made us gifted and limited, all contributing to the gift of community.
Let us find joy in our diversity.
You made us to love you and to love our neighbors.
Let us live love in our diversity.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
[No. Paul perhaps, but Jesus never said it – in any language.]
D. Blog: Just Wondering…
- Would it help if we all prayed for Dick Cheney’s en-lighten-ment?
- If Jews say no one should read the book of Ezekiel until age 40, what age does a Christian have to reach before being allowed to read the book of Revelation? 65?
- I read that Sarah Palin supports Miss California. Isn’t that confirmation of the “takes one to know one” saying?
- Anybody else see a connection between: (a) Bernie Madoff, (b) athletes taking steroids, (c) “beauty” contestants having breast implants, and (c) seeking justification for the use of torture?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Reaching or Home
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
More than a platitude, peace is a necessity.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Your voice can seem so faint, and we are so hard of hearing, having become accustomed to loud mouths, slick advertising and monotonous slogans. Still, we long to hear you – if you say what we think you should say. Otherwise, how can we recognize it as your voice?
We shut out the honest words from you. We increase the volume of our music of choice so that your whisper won’t interfere with our listening pleasure. We cannot even hear the dissonance between your sacred Word and what we pronounce as “truth.”
God, help us find comfort in the sounds of silence, where what you say comes as a word of challenge, hope and inspiration. Then let us hold to what we hear, so your whisper becomes our way.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“So, are you guys are ready for the tickets and concession stands at today’s revival meeting? You’ll probably sell a bunch of those WWJD bracelets.”
[No. His marketing techniques left a lot to be desired, unlike the evangelists who claim to follow Him.]
D. Blog: Going Home Again
I recently made a return to old haunts, old stomping grounds, an earlier place I called home. It was a mixed blessing. On the one hand, there is some comfort in the familiar. With it is a curiosity bout what changes have taken place. A sort of wistfulness arises in me, not that I’d like to stay, but that the setting is bound to its past, structures and systems in ways that seem neither healthy nor life giving for me. That brings a sadness to me. On the other hand, I feel grateful that the setting where I live now is both healthy and life giving for me. Thus, Tom Hardy, if we truly leave home, when we return, it’s only to visit, not to find home there any longer. We have moved on, but the home place does not.
This seems to me to be true not just of home as a place of familial nurture, but also of schools, jobs, relationships, social groups and religious groups. If we truly leave, we move on to another home. Ultimately, to union with the Holy One.
More than a platitude, peace is a necessity.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Your voice can seem so faint, and we are so hard of hearing, having become accustomed to loud mouths, slick advertising and monotonous slogans. Still, we long to hear you – if you say what we think you should say. Otherwise, how can we recognize it as your voice?
We shut out the honest words from you. We increase the volume of our music of choice so that your whisper won’t interfere with our listening pleasure. We cannot even hear the dissonance between your sacred Word and what we pronounce as “truth.”
God, help us find comfort in the sounds of silence, where what you say comes as a word of challenge, hope and inspiration. Then let us hold to what we hear, so your whisper becomes our way.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“So, are you guys are ready for the tickets and concession stands at today’s revival meeting? You’ll probably sell a bunch of those WWJD bracelets.”
[No. His marketing techniques left a lot to be desired, unlike the evangelists who claim to follow Him.]
D. Blog: Going Home Again
I recently made a return to old haunts, old stomping grounds, an earlier place I called home. It was a mixed blessing. On the one hand, there is some comfort in the familiar. With it is a curiosity bout what changes have taken place. A sort of wistfulness arises in me, not that I’d like to stay, but that the setting is bound to its past, structures and systems in ways that seem neither healthy nor life giving for me. That brings a sadness to me. On the other hand, I feel grateful that the setting where I live now is both healthy and life giving for me. Thus, Tom Hardy, if we truly leave home, when we return, it’s only to visit, not to find home there any longer. We have moved on, but the home place does not.
This seems to me to be true not just of home as a place of familial nurture, but also of schools, jobs, relationships, social groups and religious groups. If we truly leave, we move on to another home. Ultimately, to union with the Holy One.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
WWJD - Torture?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
God paid a high price for peace. Our destructive violence makes the price skyrocket even more.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Goddess of Wisdom,
You impart some of yourself into each of us, a reflection of your greatness. Thus you honor us as we nurture wisdom and learn to distinguish it from mere knowledge. Let us learn to love wisdom while not disdaining knowledge.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Why would I or my followers have anything against torture?”
[Well??? No, He didn’t say it.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
Fluffy clouds and
Puffy trees on the mountains.
I am home once again.
God paid a high price for peace. Our destructive violence makes the price skyrocket even more.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Goddess of Wisdom,
You impart some of yourself into each of us, a reflection of your greatness. Thus you honor us as we nurture wisdom and learn to distinguish it from mere knowledge. Let us learn to love wisdom while not disdaining knowledge.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Why would I or my followers have anything against torture?”
[Well??? No, He didn’t say it.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
Fluffy clouds and
Puffy trees on the mountains.
I am home once again.
Monday, May 11, 2009
On Being Adopted
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
There is no time like the present for peace.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
We are related, by adoption. You picked us, wanted us as your family members. You’re the one at the reunion with whom we always feel comfortable, the one who always seems eager to hear how things are going, who always has some good stories and insights to share. You resonate with us, touching us at a level others generally do not. You communicate with our core, massage our conscience, deepen our love. You make life more intense and intentional. You sooth our angers and anxieties. Without your spirit touch, life would be uncontrolled chaos. We can talk with you about anything. You’ve seen it all and can give advice in a way we can hear and understand. What would we do without you?
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“That kid with the picnic basket saved our bacon, so to speak.”
[Not what He said in the debriefing with disciples following the feeding of the 5,000.]
D. Blog: Imagine…
- “Why do you seek the living in a gravecloth?” – Jesus, on the Shroud of Turin
- “What do you expect to find in a cave where someone tells you my body lay?” – Jesus, to Christian tourists in Jerusalem
- “Does it make any difference if you worship God there as opposed to here?” – Jesus, on religious conflicts, first cited in the Gospel according to John in the conversation with the woman at the well
- “When did you ever hear me say that killing an enemy is permissible?" – Jesus, reminding us that love of enemies is central to following him
There is no time like the present for peace.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
We are related, by adoption. You picked us, wanted us as your family members. You’re the one at the reunion with whom we always feel comfortable, the one who always seems eager to hear how things are going, who always has some good stories and insights to share. You resonate with us, touching us at a level others generally do not. You communicate with our core, massage our conscience, deepen our love. You make life more intense and intentional. You sooth our angers and anxieties. Without your spirit touch, life would be uncontrolled chaos. We can talk with you about anything. You’ve seen it all and can give advice in a way we can hear and understand. What would we do without you?
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“That kid with the picnic basket saved our bacon, so to speak.”
[Not what He said in the debriefing with disciples following the feeding of the 5,000.]
D. Blog: Imagine…
- “Why do you seek the living in a gravecloth?” – Jesus, on the Shroud of Turin
- “What do you expect to find in a cave where someone tells you my body lay?” – Jesus, to Christian tourists in Jerusalem
- “Does it make any difference if you worship God there as opposed to here?” – Jesus, on religious conflicts, first cited in the Gospel according to John in the conversation with the woman at the well
- “When did you ever hear me say that killing an enemy is permissible?" – Jesus, reminding us that love of enemies is central to following him
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Jesus on Mother's Day
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
I confess that I’m a fellow traveler – with peacemakers.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You have returned, or, you have sent for me and I have returned, like one who through circumstance, became separated from his beloved, who then, much later, beckoned for him. He had moved on, as they say, in some ways, but his heart never forgot his love. He bore no hard feelings, so he returned with love rekindled. Not in servility, but in anticipation of love’s renewal, longing fulfilled, passion embraced. Just so. Here I am, but do not send me. Let me love you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“No Mom, I didn’t forget that it’s Mother’s Day. Peace!”
[He would know about the origins of the day, wouldn’t He? But He never said this.]
D. Blog: Pretending to be Married (Joke)
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got another blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got back into the sleeping bag.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold." This time, he remained in his sleeping bag and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Get up and get your own stupid blanket!"
I confess that I’m a fellow traveler – with peacemakers.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
You have returned, or, you have sent for me and I have returned, like one who through circumstance, became separated from his beloved, who then, much later, beckoned for him. He had moved on, as they say, in some ways, but his heart never forgot his love. He bore no hard feelings, so he returned with love rekindled. Not in servility, but in anticipation of love’s renewal, longing fulfilled, passion embraced. Just so. Here I am, but do not send me. Let me love you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“No Mom, I didn’t forget that it’s Mother’s Day. Peace!”
[He would know about the origins of the day, wouldn’t He? But He never said this.]
D. Blog: Pretending to be Married (Joke)
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got another blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got back into the sleeping bag.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold." This time, he remained in his sleeping bag and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Get up and get your own stupid blanket!"
Saturday, May 9, 2009
My America
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
I see it on the horizon.
I hear its gentle sounds in the next room.
I catch a hint of its aroma on the stranger who passes me in the street.
I detect its flavor in the dessert in an ethnic restaurant.
I feel it protruding slightly from the ear of a pet rabbit.
Peace is trying to reach me.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
A thing of fragile beauty, to be appreciated but never touched, the rainbow comes only after a storm. Its loveliness reminds us of the goodness in store because of the rain. We can live on despite a storm’s destruction, secure in the promise and hope signaled by the rainbow. You are with us and you have good things in store for us.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“I’ll arm wrestle you, John, for the last piece of Martha’s fig pie.”
[No, I’m pretty sure He never said this.]
D. Blog: My America
- My America: “Fly me to the moon and I’ll create a landfill.”
- My America: “Land of opportunity – for scoundrels like Madoff.”
- My America: “Home of the brave – like the desk warriors who brought us Iraq.”
- My America: “Land of the free – unless you don’t happen to be white Christians.”
- My America: “Land of hope, despite its many flaws.”
I see it on the horizon.
I hear its gentle sounds in the next room.
I catch a hint of its aroma on the stranger who passes me in the street.
I detect its flavor in the dessert in an ethnic restaurant.
I feel it protruding slightly from the ear of a pet rabbit.
Peace is trying to reach me.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
A thing of fragile beauty, to be appreciated but never touched, the rainbow comes only after a storm. Its loveliness reminds us of the goodness in store because of the rain. We can live on despite a storm’s destruction, secure in the promise and hope signaled by the rainbow. You are with us and you have good things in store for us.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“I’ll arm wrestle you, John, for the last piece of Martha’s fig pie.”
[No, I’m pretty sure He never said this.]
D. Blog: My America
- My America: “Fly me to the moon and I’ll create a landfill.”
- My America: “Land of opportunity – for scoundrels like Madoff.”
- My America: “Home of the brave – like the desk warriors who brought us Iraq.”
- My America: “Land of the free – unless you don’t happen to be white Christians.”
- My America: “Land of hope, despite its many flaws.”
Friday, May 8, 2009
Jesus and Children
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
When war comes, people weep in anticipation and in grief. When peace comes, people weep in anticipation and jubilation. You’d think we would learn from the contrast.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
When I was a small child, you were wrapped in that blanket that went with me into the darkness of sleep. You still go with me.
When I was young, my security blanket comforted me when I felt pain, and gave me courage when I was afraid. You still go with me.
When I grew older, I was told I no longer had need for my security blanket. But I still need you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Well, no, I don’t see the point of flies, either, children.”
[When they came to Him, they had questions. He didn’t have this answer.]
D. Blog: Word of the Week – “jalopy”
"battered old automobile," 1924 (early variants include jaloupy, jaloppi, gillopy), of unknown origin; perhaps from Jalapa, Mexico, where many U.S. used cars were sent.
[Now we send them to used car dealers and auctioneers. And “lemon” is the newer term. Why?? Thanks to the Online Etymology Dictionary for the politically correct origins of jalopy. I thought it was Detroit.]
When war comes, people weep in anticipation and in grief. When peace comes, people weep in anticipation and jubilation. You’d think we would learn from the contrast.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
When I was a small child, you were wrapped in that blanket that went with me into the darkness of sleep. You still go with me.
When I was young, my security blanket comforted me when I felt pain, and gave me courage when I was afraid. You still go with me.
When I grew older, I was told I no longer had need for my security blanket. But I still need you.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Well, no, I don’t see the point of flies, either, children.”
[When they came to Him, they had questions. He didn’t have this answer.]
D. Blog: Word of the Week – “jalopy”
"battered old automobile," 1924 (early variants include jaloupy, jaloppi, gillopy), of unknown origin; perhaps from Jalapa, Mexico, where many U.S. used cars were sent.
[Now we send them to used car dealers and auctioneers. And “lemon” is the newer term. Why?? Thanks to the Online Etymology Dictionary for the politically correct origins of jalopy. I thought it was Detroit.]
Thursday, May 7, 2009
They Did Not Eat Cake
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
The lamp of peace lights my way. I fear nothing.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
When you left the tomb, did you know?
That millions of people would die because they followed you?
That millions of people would die because they did not follow you?
That Prince of Peace would become a rallying cry for violent crusades?
That your words would be twisted to mean their opposite?
That your vision of a loving and peaceable dominion would become, fro many, overcome by the dark shadow of Armageddon?
That your followers would wage war against each other when governments told them to do so?
I wonder about your supposed return… Maybe you don’t return because your followers make you feel ashamed…
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Let them eat angels’ food cake.”
[The 5,000 needed dessert, didn’t they? No, He didn’t say this.]
D. Blog: Supposing
- Suppose that every time a parent spanks a child, she/he teaches that pain/suffering is God’s punishment for wrongdoing…
- Do you suppose Jewish insurgents tried to recruit Jesus?
- Suppose capitalist and communist economies competed to see which could provide best for their citizens…
- Suppose lechers, liars, and thieves ran our government.
The lamp of peace lights my way. I fear nothing.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
When you left the tomb, did you know?
That millions of people would die because they followed you?
That millions of people would die because they did not follow you?
That Prince of Peace would become a rallying cry for violent crusades?
That your words would be twisted to mean their opposite?
That your vision of a loving and peaceable dominion would become, fro many, overcome by the dark shadow of Armageddon?
That your followers would wage war against each other when governments told them to do so?
I wonder about your supposed return… Maybe you don’t return because your followers make you feel ashamed…
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Let them eat angels’ food cake.”
[The 5,000 needed dessert, didn’t they? No, He didn’t say this.]
D. Blog: Supposing
- Suppose that every time a parent spanks a child, she/he teaches that pain/suffering is God’s punishment for wrongdoing…
- Do you suppose Jewish insurgents tried to recruit Jesus?
- Suppose capitalist and communist economies competed to see which could provide best for their citizens…
- Suppose lechers, liars, and thieves ran our government.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
You Don't Want to Live Here!
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
To ev’ry season, turn, turn, turn – to Peace!
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Our relationship with you reminds me of the saying that good fences make for good neighbors. There is a kind of barrier that keeps us from intruding onto your territory. We don’t get to see or know you fully because we cannot penetrate your fence just anytime we want.
At the same time, we say we would like for your dominion to reach into the space where we live. We say we would like that to happen, but we obviously have erected some fences to prevent you from entering too far, lest you upset our little fiefdoms. Should we reconsider, leave the way open for you to come in at any time?
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Obviously, this poor man has a bad case of swine flu.”
[Not what He said about the possessed man.]
D. Blog: Rampant Crime – You Do Not Want to Live Here!
• C.W. Webster Jr., 39, of Asheville, charged with obtaining property by false pretense and misdemeanor possession of stolen property. According to arrest warrants, Webster sold a bicycle for $60 knowing it was stolen.
• Ralph Wayne Ascione, 47, of Leicester, charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, a mo-ped, according to arrest warrants.
• Robert Paul Haley, 70, Candler, charged with intimidating witness. According to arrest warrants, Haley made threats and menaces toward a woman who is a witness in a criminal case against Haley.
• Samuel David Bradley Jones, 30, of Asheville, charged with obtaining a controlled substance by fraud/forgery. According to the arrest warrant, Jones attempted to acquire pain medications from Mission Hospital through trickery.
• Derrick Eddings Jr., 27, of East End Place, Asheville, charged with maintaining a vehicle to use/store drugs, possession with intent to sell and deliver cocaine, simple marijuana possession of possession of drug paraphernalia.
[Asheville Citizen-Times arrest report, May 6, 2009]
To ev’ry season, turn, turn, turn – to Peace!
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Our relationship with you reminds me of the saying that good fences make for good neighbors. There is a kind of barrier that keeps us from intruding onto your territory. We don’t get to see or know you fully because we cannot penetrate your fence just anytime we want.
At the same time, we say we would like for your dominion to reach into the space where we live. We say we would like that to happen, but we obviously have erected some fences to prevent you from entering too far, lest you upset our little fiefdoms. Should we reconsider, leave the way open for you to come in at any time?
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Obviously, this poor man has a bad case of swine flu.”
[Not what He said about the possessed man.]
D. Blog: Rampant Crime – You Do Not Want to Live Here!
• C.W. Webster Jr., 39, of Asheville, charged with obtaining property by false pretense and misdemeanor possession of stolen property. According to arrest warrants, Webster sold a bicycle for $60 knowing it was stolen.
• Ralph Wayne Ascione, 47, of Leicester, charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, a mo-ped, according to arrest warrants.
• Robert Paul Haley, 70, Candler, charged with intimidating witness. According to arrest warrants, Haley made threats and menaces toward a woman who is a witness in a criminal case against Haley.
• Samuel David Bradley Jones, 30, of Asheville, charged with obtaining a controlled substance by fraud/forgery. According to the arrest warrant, Jones attempted to acquire pain medications from Mission Hospital through trickery.
• Derrick Eddings Jr., 27, of East End Place, Asheville, charged with maintaining a vehicle to use/store drugs, possession with intent to sell and deliver cocaine, simple marijuana possession of possession of drug paraphernalia.
[Asheville Citizen-Times arrest report, May 6, 2009]
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Jesus' Benefits Plan
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Don’t fence me in – unless it’s into peace.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Today is a good day to be alive.
Of course, every day is a good day to be alive.
If we only knew…
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Sure, Satan’s offer tempted me, but he couldn’t match my Dad’s medical insurance and retirement plan.”
[Think we can get in on that plan? He never said this, either.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
At the end of the day, peace.
Bottom line, peace.
For those on the ground, peace.
Don’t fence me in – unless it’s into peace.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Today is a good day to be alive.
Of course, every day is a good day to be alive.
If we only knew…
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Sure, Satan’s offer tempted me, but he couldn’t match my Dad’s medical insurance and retirement plan.”
[Think we can get in on that plan? He never said this, either.]
D. Blog: Tuesday Haiku
At the end of the day, peace.
Bottom line, peace.
For those on the ground, peace.
Monday, May 4, 2009
It Is Good
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
“Let’s not fight, but say we did.” – negotiation, per James, age 7
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
My heart hurts to notice the suffering people endure in this world.
My heart hurts to notice the pain we inflict on one another.
My heart hurts to notice the damage we do to Earth.
My heart hurts to notice the evil brought about by pride and greed.
Make them go away.
My heart rejoices at the rising and the setting of the sun.
My heart rejoices at the display of beauty, both natural and human.
My heart rejoices at the love and kindness we share.
My heart rejoices at our marvelous ability to learn and create.
Keep them coming.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“You sound like you’re from the North.”
[Did John leave this part out when he wrote about Jesus’ encounter with the woman at the well? No, Jesus never said it.]
D. Blog: Conclusion – It Is Good
We have problems on Earth, but do better worlds exist in the cosmos?
People can do evil and stupid things with their lives, but does any other creature rival us for imagination or compassion?
So, while it would be wonderful to change some things, on the whole I agree with the Genesis writer whose God declared “It is good.”
“Let’s not fight, but say we did.” – negotiation, per James, age 7
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
My heart hurts to notice the suffering people endure in this world.
My heart hurts to notice the pain we inflict on one another.
My heart hurts to notice the damage we do to Earth.
My heart hurts to notice the evil brought about by pride and greed.
Make them go away.
My heart rejoices at the rising and the setting of the sun.
My heart rejoices at the display of beauty, both natural and human.
My heart rejoices at the love and kindness we share.
My heart rejoices at our marvelous ability to learn and create.
Keep them coming.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“You sound like you’re from the North.”
[Did John leave this part out when he wrote about Jesus’ encounter with the woman at the well? No, Jesus never said it.]
D. Blog: Conclusion – It Is Good
We have problems on Earth, but do better worlds exist in the cosmos?
People can do evil and stupid things with their lives, but does any other creature rival us for imagination or compassion?
So, while it would be wonderful to change some things, on the whole I agree with the Genesis writer whose God declared “It is good.”
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Gay and Lesbian Weddings
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
Peace is not an option; it’s THE option.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Where you are, there I feel I belong. With you, how can I ever feel lost? Corollary: if I feel lost, I am not with you. With you, what was lost becomes found, the loss of bearings just temporary. You make me feel welcome in unfamiliar places. I suppose this is another way of saying, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” etc. I like the green pastures where you’ve placed me.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Talk is cheap, Satan. Can you deliver?”
[Answer: no. Did He say it? No again.]
D. Blog: Five Blessing Ceremonies and A Wedding
I’ve officiated at a couple of weddings, attended many more in the course of my wife’s ministry, plus those of family and friends. So, in a way, they have become rather routine to me. Not so the wedding about a year ago of a gay couple. Just having that ceremony in a church showed a sort of courage that does not need to appear in heterosexual couples.
Yesterday, the wedding and union ceremonies involved six couples, all women. It was very moving, in ways I’m still processing. But, again, courage struck me, along with the desire to have their unions blessed by the community of faith. To declare their love publicly, and to do so within the sanctuary of a church, when churches are too often the source of shaming them and denying their full humanity as God’s children. To claim their belief that God does not repudiate the love they have for each other, that God honors their commitment to each other. Well, I think, of course!
No religion has the right to deny or invalidate respectful love and commitment between any two people.
When two people love each other in the spirit of Paul’s famous love chapter (used in almost every wedding I’ve ever attended), to disrespect or debase that love is a form of disobeying that passage, disobeying God, and limiting the work of God in forming a loving and peaceful community. The declaration "what God has joined together, let no one tear asunder" applies to humans and to religion.
Finally, something is seriously wrong when such weddings become the targets of hate-filled individuals, when a church feels it must take measures for security when it holds such a worship ceremony.
Peace is not an option; it’s THE option.
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
Where you are, there I feel I belong. With you, how can I ever feel lost? Corollary: if I feel lost, I am not with you. With you, what was lost becomes found, the loss of bearings just temporary. You make me feel welcome in unfamiliar places. I suppose this is another way of saying, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” etc. I like the green pastures where you’ve placed me.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Talk is cheap, Satan. Can you deliver?”
[Answer: no. Did He say it? No again.]
D. Blog: Five Blessing Ceremonies and A Wedding
I’ve officiated at a couple of weddings, attended many more in the course of my wife’s ministry, plus those of family and friends. So, in a way, they have become rather routine to me. Not so the wedding about a year ago of a gay couple. Just having that ceremony in a church showed a sort of courage that does not need to appear in heterosexual couples.
Yesterday, the wedding and union ceremonies involved six couples, all women. It was very moving, in ways I’m still processing. But, again, courage struck me, along with the desire to have their unions blessed by the community of faith. To declare their love publicly, and to do so within the sanctuary of a church, when churches are too often the source of shaming them and denying their full humanity as God’s children. To claim their belief that God does not repudiate the love they have for each other, that God honors their commitment to each other. Well, I think, of course!
No religion has the right to deny or invalidate respectful love and commitment between any two people.
When two people love each other in the spirit of Paul’s famous love chapter (used in almost every wedding I’ve ever attended), to disrespect or debase that love is a form of disobeying that passage, disobeying God, and limiting the work of God in forming a loving and peaceful community. The declaration "what God has joined together, let no one tear asunder" applies to humans and to religion.
Finally, something is seriously wrong when such weddings become the targets of hate-filled individuals, when a church feels it must take measures for security when it holds such a worship ceremony.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
So, Here's a Question for You..
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
“If you ask me, war should be the target of eradication – like smallpox.” – Kevin, age 13
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
I’m trying to make room for stillness to happen today, God. But there are all those errands to be run and chores to be done. The press of activity squeezes the time available for entering stillness. And if I find some time for stillness, the noises that assault my ears erase the opportunity for knowing you. Fortunately it doesn’t often happen like this. But it does make me wonder… In a bustling, high-decibel culture like ours, it seems to make sense that we have a dwindling religious conviction and a hungering for spiritual experience. Help me to be still.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Did you hear that the women of the Capernaum stoned the ‘Peeping David’ who was terrorizing the town?”
[Probably a priest. But He never said this.]
D. Blog: Unanswered Questions
- So, my brother wants to know: why is it always peeping Tom? Why not peeping John, James, Judas, Peter, or Bartholomew?
- So, my nephew wants to know: “Why do they call it an iphone? Wouldn’t cphone, dphone, ephone, fphone or xphone make at least as much sense?”
- So, my cousin wants to know: “What’s with these vehicles that don’t have real names? I’m supposed to remember a couple of letters with a number after them? Am I supposed to think Star Wars? What kind of identification is that? What kind of style does CX-4 convey?”
- So, my uncle wants to know: “Where is it written that a woman cannot lower a toilet seat, Louise? Gimme a break!”
“If you ask me, war should be the target of eradication – like smallpox.” – Kevin, age 13
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One,
I’m trying to make room for stillness to happen today, God. But there are all those errands to be run and chores to be done. The press of activity squeezes the time available for entering stillness. And if I find some time for stillness, the noises that assault my ears erase the opportunity for knowing you. Fortunately it doesn’t often happen like this. But it does make me wonder… In a bustling, high-decibel culture like ours, it seems to make sense that we have a dwindling religious conviction and a hungering for spiritual experience. Help me to be still.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Did you hear that the women of the Capernaum stoned the ‘Peeping David’ who was terrorizing the town?”
[Probably a priest. But He never said this.]
D. Blog: Unanswered Questions
- So, my brother wants to know: why is it always peeping Tom? Why not peeping John, James, Judas, Peter, or Bartholomew?
- So, my nephew wants to know: “Why do they call it an iphone? Wouldn’t cphone, dphone, ephone, fphone or xphone make at least as much sense?”
- So, my cousin wants to know: “What’s with these vehicles that don’t have real names? I’m supposed to remember a couple of letters with a number after them? Am I supposed to think Star Wars? What kind of identification is that? What kind of style does CX-4 convey?”
- So, my uncle wants to know: “Where is it written that a woman cannot lower a toilet seat, Louise? Gimme a break!”
Friday, May 1, 2009
Did He Say That?
A. Unabashed Pacifist:
I think I hear a peace song!
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Forgiving One,
We Christians are much harsher on ourselves and one another than you will ever be. This is one thing Jesus taught that causes me to believe that he was a manifestation of you, for me even the fullest manifestation of who you are. I pity those who are so certain that you require judgment and condemnation for our misdeeds. No wonder they seem so full of guilt and worried by sin. I wonder if any of them could be convinced that they should worry more about how they slander your holy name with the way they portray your character. A bit of an irony in that, isn’t there? But then, I would characterize you, in part, as one who likes irony.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Le Roi, c’est moi!”
[Just kidding. He never said that – in any language.]
D. Blog: Expanding Vocabulary
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj.Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n.The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fect) v.To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) nThe actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater
FRUST (frust) nThe small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) nManhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
PEPPIER (pepp ee ay') n.The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) nThe affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) nThe moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
I think I hear a peace song!
B. Unabashed Christian:
Holy One, Forgiving One,
We Christians are much harsher on ourselves and one another than you will ever be. This is one thing Jesus taught that causes me to believe that he was a manifestation of you, for me even the fullest manifestation of who you are. I pity those who are so certain that you require judgment and condemnation for our misdeeds. No wonder they seem so full of guilt and worried by sin. I wonder if any of them could be convinced that they should worry more about how they slander your holy name with the way they portray your character. A bit of an irony in that, isn’t there? But then, I would characterize you, in part, as one who likes irony.
Amen
C. Un-quoting Jesus:
“Le Roi, c’est moi!”
[Just kidding. He never said that – in any language.]
D. Blog: Expanding Vocabulary
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj.Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n.The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fect) v.To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) nThe actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater
FRUST (frust) nThe small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) nManhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
PEPPIER (pepp ee ay') n.The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) nThe affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) nThe moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
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